IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #work #parks #gardens #city #center #apartment #buildings #commuters
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
 are concerned about spending too much
time
 on transportation to
work
, some even argue that it`s best to remove the public
parks
 for apartments
instead
 to solve
this
 issue. My view is that
this
 kind of replacement will do zero good on
people
 who spend
a long
Remove the article
long time travel
a long time journey
a long time trip
show examples
time
 travel to
work
. Let`s assume there were numeric apartments replaced by
parks
 and gardens set up in the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
already
Replace the word
all ready
show examples
 to start
this
 argument. These houses must be ridiculously expensive.
People
 who normally live in a suburb might still not able to afford it. If ideally the apartment is managed by the government, authorities tend to enact a strict standard to recruit candidates for government-controlled houses. There must be a long waiting list ahead,
therefore
 most of the commuters will still need to travel for a long distance.
For example
, shanghai issued a low-rent apartment policy in 2012. The average rent for the same is at least 20% lower than the market. Still, there are
people
 who waited from 2012 till now and still have no clue about the apartment.
This
 is not to say that live nearby do not have
any
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 advantages. Stay close to the place you
work
 will save precious
time
 and energy that will help
people
 be productive during
work
.
Moreover
, since
time
 on the way is saved,
people
 can balance better on life and
work
 that will be a benefit their mental health.
For instance
, one of my colleagues spends nearly 6 hours on daily transportation. It`s hard for him to focus on his task
hence
 got himself fired; he was frustrated after. For him, I do believe build a life near the company will be helpful, but I still not see the necessity of tear the
parks
 apart for it. In sum, replace the
parks
 with accommodations will not help thereby it`s not necessary.
Therefore
, if we truly wish to resolve the issue may be the government could support expanding
sub-centre
Correct article usage
the sub-centre
show examples
 for the city or announce a statement for
people
 to
work
 from home. By doing so we can make sure that
people
 could survive without suffering from exhausted travelling.
Submitted by Sue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: