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Band 5

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
nowadays, an increasing number of
people
 are concerned about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities and NGO supportive
issue
. Some even argue that
people
 with fame will shift the attention from
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 to themselves. I agree with the view that famous
people
 will not help the
issue
.
Firstly
, it is obvious that when famous
people
 represent groups with
problems
 will help themselves on public images
hence
 most of us will doubt their purpose of doing so.
Secondly
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 might only attract by Stars not the
problems
.
For example
, there was an "ice bucket challenge “online
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years ago which went viral that almost every celebrity we know was a part of it. The aim of
this
 activity was to trigger
people
`s awareness
about
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
 a disease called "AS” .
However
, what was left at the end was Tom Holland
half naked
Add a hyphen
half-naked
show examples
 pictures.
People
 don`t even know the founder of
this
 challenge passed away later who
also
 suffered from AS himself.
Finally
,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 are
people
 with short-term memories. There are too many distractions online of celebrities,
people
 are overwhelmed they might forget about it after they spot something eye-catching.
However
,
this
 is not to say that famous
people
 could do nothing good
address
Add the particle
to address
show examples
this
issue
. WTO holds annual talks on certain topics each year. Emma Watson spoke about the importance of education and how poorly it was in Africa
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 raised a flag for us to notice the problem; Angelina Jolie gave a presentation about
Correct your spelling
increasing
increasment
Correct article usage
the increasment
show examples
 of infection rate on infants in Africa
also
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 the public to face the fact that a huge portion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 struggling now because of poverty or famine. But unfortunately, how many of us will take an action regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
these
problems
 they have talked about? I sincerely doubt that. To summarize the ideas above, celebrities support towards organizations might be less effective which will change the priority thereby might not address the
issue
 at all.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 we should not ignore there are actors and actresses taking the responsibilities to educate
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 on accrued
problems
. By doing so we hope that more
people
 will start to care and reflect themselves on
people
 who might need it.
Submitted by Sue on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
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