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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
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nowadays, an increasing number of
people
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 are concerned about
the
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apply
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celebrities and NGO supportive
issue
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. Some even argue that
people
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 with fame will shift the attention from
problem
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the problem
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 to themselves. I agree with the view that famous
people
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 will not help the
issue
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.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that when famous
people
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 represent groups with
problems
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 will help themselves on public images
hence
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 most of us will doubt their purpose of doing so.
Secondly
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,
public
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the public
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 might only attract by Stars not the
problems
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.
For example
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, there was an "ice bucket challenge “online
few
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a few
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 years ago which went viral that almost every celebrity we know was a part of it. The aim of
this
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 activity was to trigger
people
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`s awareness
about
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of
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 a disease called "AS” .
However
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, what was left at the end was Tom Holland
half naked
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half-naked
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 pictures.
People
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 don`t even know the founder of
this
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 challenge passed away later who
also
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 suffered from AS himself.
Finally
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,
public
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the public
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 are
people
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 with short-term memories. There are too many distractions online of celebrities,
people
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 are overwhelmed they might forget about it after they spot something eye-catching.
However
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,
this
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 is not to say that famous
people
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 could do nothing good
address
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to address
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this
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issue
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. WTO holds annual talks on certain topics each year. Emma Watson spoke about the importance of education and how poorly it was in Africa
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, therefore,
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therefore
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 raised a flag for us to notice the problem; Angelina Jolie gave a presentation about
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increasing
increasment
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the increasment
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 of infection rate on infants in Africa
also
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leaded
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led
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 the public to face the fact that a huge portion of
population
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the population
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were
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was
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 struggling now because of poverty or famine. But unfortunately, how many of us will take an action regarding
to
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apply
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these
problems
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 they have talked about? I sincerely doubt that. To summarize the ideas above, celebrities support towards organizations might be less effective which will change the priority thereby might not address the
issue
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 at all.
Meanwhile
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,Meanwhile
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 we should not ignore there are actors and actresses taking the responsibilities to educate
public
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the public
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 on accrued
problems
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. By doing so we hope that more
people
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 will start to care and reflect themselves on
people
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 who might need it.
Submitted by Sue on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
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