Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

It is a common situation for the whole society pupils are more interested in online

games

Use synonyms

rather than sports. Because of the advent of modern sophisticated technology, which has consumed our quality of free

time

Use synonyms

and made us significantly busy. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other words, it

Verb problem

has

show examples

a detrimental impact on our future, as it reduces all kinds of physical activities.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the

advance

Replace the word

advanced

show examples

technology has imparted us with all kinds of latest gadgets in our homes, which do not allow

parents

Use synonyms

to spend some

time

Use synonyms

with their

children

Use synonyms

or take them out for sports, as

children

Use synonyms

fully

required

Wrong verb form

require

show examples

parental attention.

Moreover

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

prefer to spend their

time

Use synonyms

browsing online rather than with

children

Use synonyms

, so guardians do not prohibit them from computer

games

Use synonyms

, despite, they allow them to play so

parents

Use synonyms

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

have some free

time

Use synonyms

on their own.

For example

Linking Words

, a study conducted in the UK reflects that more and more adolescents

attracted

Add a missing verb

are attracted

show examples

by computer

games

Use synonyms

because of the availability and permission of their guardians.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is concluded that it is a significant cause of

this

Linking Words

recent sedentary downside in

children

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it is a critical detrimental development of our society, which leads to the atrocious future of our

children

Use synonyms

because it affects the activity level of the body.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, there is no physical activity involved in online

games

Use synonyms

, which can result in several cardiovascular diseases in young

children

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, recent scientific research conducted on 40

children

Use synonyms

by the

health association

Correct your spelling

Health Association

show examples

of London has found more than 30 out of 40

children

Use synonyms

had a high cholesterol level at the age of 10 to 14 years,

as a result

Linking Words

of less physical

exercises

Change the noun form

exercise

show examples

involvement. In conclusion,

parents

Use synonyms

should give up their addictive nature

first

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and should spare some

time

Use synonyms

for their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

, so they can adapt to some active habits through sports.

Additionally

Linking Words

, being glued

with

Change preposition

show examples

screens all the

time

Use synonyms

could lead to a plethora of adverse impacts on a pupil's brain.

Although

Linking Words

computer

games

Use synonyms

enhance

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

, but

also

Linking Words

leave

Verb problem

have

show examples

an ill effect on our future society.

rmnbatth63

Mar 8, 2021

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task achievement

The introduction could be clearer. State your main argument in a simple way.

coherence

Use more linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to help the flow of your ideas.

coherence

Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea. This will help keep your argument focused.

task achievement

The essay discusses important issues related to children's health and technology.

task achievement

You provide examples to support your points, which adds strength to your argument.

task achievement

The conclusion summarizes your point well and suggests a clear solution.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

345 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

allure
captivate
supervise
accessible
scarcity
safer alternative
peer pressure
educational tools
cognitive skills
implications
obesity
poor posture
hand-eye coordination
problem-solving abilities

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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Some people think that old buildings should be protected, while others believe that they should be replaced by newer buildings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.