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Writing Samples
Band 5

In today's world, vast majority of young people have trouble managing their own money. Why might this be the case? How could they achieve budgeting skills?

Using
money
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 properly sometimes can be hard for
people
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. Especially young
people
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 who control their own budget are predisposed to have
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
. I am of the opinion that
this
Linking Words
 situation stems from
helicopter
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parents
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 and digitalized world.
However
Linking Words
, there are some solutions for gaining skills about how they manage their
money
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 correctly like reducing to use
credit
Add an article
a credit
the credit
show examples
 card or participating
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 programs. I would like
to begin
Linking Words
 by explaining
with
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apply
show examples
why young
people
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 have some issues when they operate their
money
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. İt is obvious that some
children
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 who have
helicopter
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parents
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 tend to be vulnerable because their
responsibilities
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 are made by their families mostly because
helicopter
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parents
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 interfere with their everything about their
life
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.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation damages
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 and it
also
Linking Words
 affects them in terms of managing their
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life like
Correct your spelling
lifelike
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 operating their
money
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. They do not know how they deal with
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
all of them because of lack of experience. When they go to the market or mall , their
parents
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 probably do not give permission in the payment section. İt is worthwhile to note that undertaking
responsibilities
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also
Linking Words
 can be problematic in their future
life
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 because a sense of fulfilling
responsibilities
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 obtained at a young age and managing
money
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 is associated with undertaking
responsibilities
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 because it is essential for maintaining
life
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. Another reason is many young
people
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 do not know how they operate their own
money
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 because they generally use digital payment methods and
people
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 using these methods can not realize out how much
money
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 they spent because it feels like everything free and reachable. Especially many companies who want to
exploiting
Change the verb form
exploit
show examples
this
Linking Words
 condition in profit way produce products that will appeal to young
people
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 on their online sites. Because they do not know exactly what they are buying online, it is not possible for them to manage their
money
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 properly. Despite having some causes about young
people
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’s difficulties with managing their own
money
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, there are some solutions
about
Verify preposition usage
to
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 that.
Children
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 should take their decisions and endure the consequences because these aid
them
Verify preposition usage
inthem
onthem
show examples
 how to
exploiting
Change the form of the verb
exploit
show examples
 their own
money
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 properly. Working at a job as a child in summer can be beneficial for gaining experience in
future
Add an article
the future
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life
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 because they learn how to earn
money
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 in a hard way. These workspaces teach the truth for young
children
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 that
life
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 is striving for maintaining. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they learn the value of
money
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 . Another thing is they are liable for shopping
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online and
this
Linking Words
 leads to a lot of
money
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 to spend.
However
Linking Words
, if they are informed and constrained about shopping online , they will realize out how they much spent.
Government
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The government
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 should implement
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 incentive programs
about
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apply
show examples
that like seminars and families should raise
children
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’s about wasteful spending about online shopping.If they do their part and inform
children
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,
children
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 will be more conscious about spending
money
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. To sum up, managing
money
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 can be difficult for young
children
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 because digital platforms used frequently
attract
Add the particle
to attract
show examples
 them to waste
money
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 and sometimes
Linking Words
this difficulties
Change the determiner
this difficulty
these difficulties
show examples
 stem from
helicopter
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parents
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behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some solutions about that like realizing
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of
money
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 thanks to
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 governments and families should promote
children
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 awareness’ about managing
money
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.

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