IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that government spend too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree ?

#government #money #celebrations #holidays #festivals #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Celebrations
Use synonyms
 which is funded by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 are an essential component of lives. It is believed that these are beneficial
for
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
show examples
 our culture and learn our history.
However
Linking Words
, it can not be denied that
instead
Linking Words
 of funding these
celebrations
Use synonyms
government
Use synonyms
 can invest
technological
Change preposition
in technological
show examples
developments
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 , education facilities. As for me ,
instead
Linking Words
 of allocating
money
Use synonyms
 for
celebrations
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 ,investing
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 system
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
 the quality of
life
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 and technological
developments
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 aid
countries
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to
Verify preposition usage
from
in
show examples
 being developed in every field . I would like
to begin
Linking Words
 with
explain
Change the verb form
explaining
show examples
 why
government
Use synonyms
 allocate fund for technological
developments
Use synonyms
 rather than
celebrations
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.It can not be denied that many
countries
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 strive for excellence and compete with them and showing breakthroughs in technology
is not boost
Change the verb form
is not boosting
is not boosted
show examples
 their economy but
also
Linking Words
 enhance the quality of
people
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’s
life
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. It is obvious that the aforementioned improvements which should be allocated more
money
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 by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 offer us a decent
life
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 rather than funding
celebrations
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In Japan , it is evident that because of attaching importance of technological investments many
people
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 pursue
welfare
Correct article usage
a welfare
show examples
life
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 because thanks to good economic conditions many abundant opportunities
are emerged
Change to the active voice
emerge
have emerged
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 like low taxes and facilities. It is worthwhile to note that,
transportation
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the transportation
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 system is improved by technology . To exemplify, many
people
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 can see where the vehicles will be and the time and
also
Linking Words
 they can see traffic congestion in their mobile devices. These
are prevent
Change the verb form
prevent
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 congestion and it makes
people
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 easier.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investing technology should be implemented by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 because of pursing
welfare
Correct article usage
a welfare
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. When it comes to the education facilities, rather than allocating
money
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 for
celebrations
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 nationalities should attach importance to these areas. I would like to explain how
countries
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 alleviate problems in
training
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the training
show examples
 area. Public schools and universities can be increased and scholarship which scholarships can only be provided to successful children. In
this
Linking Words
 way, many students strive to gain
scholarship
Add an article
a scholarship
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 and it brings them success.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 some children have to drop off their training
life
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 because of supporting their family.
National
Correct article usage
The national
show examples
 budget can be allocated for the aforementioned poor
people
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 and some fees can be decreased for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the balance of going to school between all of
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
 who are poor or rich can not be disturbed. To sum up , It makes no sense to allocate
money
Use synonyms
 for
celebrations
Use synonyms
, because
instead
Linking Words
, following technological
developments
Use synonyms
 and improving educational opportunities improves the economy of
countries
Use synonyms
 and the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Territories should attach importance to these areas.
Submitted by nilaycarsibasi on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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