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Band 5.5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
Big co-operates and multinational companies are led by leaders who are paid with high wages that they deserve.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that they are highly educated ,hardworking and showed remarkable
skillsets
Correct your spelling
skill sets
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 in their fields.But the ordinary employees are provided less amount of money
due to
 a number of factors
such
 as years of experience and kind of studies.In my opinion, the directors of big enterprises have to receive the best payment compared to common workers. First and foremost,individuals in leadership positions usually possess a high quality of education from great universities .
In addition
 to that, they
own
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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experience in their areas and they are experts in their domain.They might have tried so hard and faced numerous challenges to attain that role.
Consequently
, the organizations are liable to pay them immensely.
For instance
,the director of the brand Pepsico has reached that role
due to
 her immense amount of effort throughout her career.
On the contrary
, regular
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 might not have done several years of work .
Also
,they might not have proper degrees or masters to fit in a bigger role.
For reaching
Change preposition
To reach
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such
 a stage, they have to do lots of hard work.These all factors constitute the reason for the lower payment of the usual workforce.
However
, there are people who bargain for huge money in return for their job without eligibility.
To sum up
,the main head of an establishment has to be salaried exceptionally as they are worthy enough for it.
Also
,other workers have to be paid
according to
 their efforts and experience.Students and the younger generation can learn many things from inspiring leaders.
Submitted by liyatreesaj on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task by discussing both views and giving a personal opinion. Ensure to address all parts of the prompt in detail to enhance task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are well-maintained throughout the essay. The logical structure is mostly clear, but consider adding more transitional phrases for smoother flow between ideas.
task achievement
Clear presentation of arguments for both sides of the issue
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support ideas

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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