Now a days some parents give money to their children if they perform well at school. Do you think this is good or bad friend ?

#parents #money #children #school #friend

It is certainly true that proper parenting is never easy as seems,

parents

need to concern about various factors as

different

Add an article

the different

show examples

stage of their

children

age. One of

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

trend

Add an article

the trend

a trend

show examples

of giving

money

if they perform best in

school

activities. I agree that

this

is a very good trend. In subsequent paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

my belief with relevant points.

Firstly

, if

children

perform well in

school

, they should be motivated

inspired

Change the verb form

to inspire

show examples

them to do much better.

Also

money

can explain

them

Change preposition

to them

show examples

the significance of it. So, they use

this

money

very carefully and only

then

Correct your spelling

when

show examples

there is a requirement or good purpose which cause early maturity in

school

students.

For example

, when I visited my

friend

, I saw his child doing excellent in

academy

Add an article

the academy

show examples

as well as he knows the value of

money

, after discussing with my

friend

I knew that he gave the

money

to his son every year for best achievement in

school

Secondly

this

friend

teaches the

children

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

financial

Change preposition

apply

show examples

in dependence

Correct your spelling

independence

show examples

. They learn what is the value of

money

and how it

is need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to use consciously.

This

also

creates

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

respect in their young mind

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

parents

and understand how their

parents

have

onus

Add an article

the onus

an onus

show examples

to cope

the

Change preposition

with the

show examples

situations in parallel to give education to them. All these things cause

positive

Correct article usage

a positive

show examples

influence on young minds resultantly.

Finally

, once

parents

give

money

to their youngers, they just initiate to engage their

children

in financial matter.

Add a hyphen

In-ring

show examples

ring

Add an article

the ring

show examples

run, there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

crucial advantages for

well-bred

Correct article usage

a well-bred

show examples

society.

Hence

, I think that it is

entirely

Add an article

an entirely

show examples

good

friend

if society

understand

Change the verb form

understands

show examples

it positively with their plethora of benefits.

Submitted by HEMAL PATEL on Fri Mar 12 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Now a days some parents give money to their children if they perform well at school. Do you think this is good or bad friend ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might ther be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?