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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#students #work #results #time #education #pressure
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Nowadays, a number of
students
Use synonyms
 are working while studying.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 tendency may lead to negative results, the number of young people who sacrifice
education
Use synonyms
 for
work
Use synonyms
 is growing.
This
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essay
Use synonyms
 will discuss some causes why
students
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
poor quality of and increased pressures.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay
Use synonyms
 will discuss the
solutions
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 to these problems including gov’t subsidy and online learning. It is apparent that most of the
students
Use synonyms
 who
work
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 have many financial expenses to meet. One common cause is
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 cost of
education
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. Many colleges and universities have high tuition fees, some families cannot fully afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
Use synonyms
 for their children.
Consequently
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, these
students
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 have to
work
Use synonyms
 to pay university and college fees. Another problem is the accommodation and other allowances. A number
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 study away from their hometown
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and have to pay for their accommodations, foods, entertainments etc. As it is often hard to cover these expenses, they don’t have
other course
Change the wording
another course
other courses
show examples
 than to
work
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 to cover their financial expenses. Indeed, there are some
students
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 working in burger machines or in restaurants for extra income to help augment their financial obligation,
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however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
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 is taking a toll on their studies resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 lower grades and stress. Overall, the financial aspect of
education
Use synonyms
as well as the lack of quality time
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the lack of quality time,
show examples
are major concerns of some
students
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 There are some possible ways to address these problems.
Firstly
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, the government could make higher
education
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 free by subsidizing tertiary
education
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. They can
allot
Correct your spelling
allow
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 some amount from the country’s budget
in addition
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 to the
education
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 budget.
Also
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, they can tap financial institutions, private and public to have windows for college loans accessible to all
students
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 w/ very low interest and payable to a certain period. Another
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solutions
Replace the adjective
solution
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
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 to offer online
education
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 funded by government or private institutions with
minimal
Add an article
a minimal
show examples
 fee.
This
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 will lessen the financial burden of the parents as well as the
students
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. Overall, with some of the
solutions
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 stated above,
students
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 would be able to continue their studies without the burden of
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 aspect,
also
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this
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 will encourage young people to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 for tertiary schooling most especially to under privilege people. In conclusion, more and more
students
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 are working causing a toll and stress on their
education
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.
This
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essay
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 discussed the high cost of
education
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 as well as financial obligations as the causes why
students
Use synonyms
 need to
work
Use synonyms
 compromising their study .
Also
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,
this
Linking Words
essay
Use synonyms
 discussed the suggested
solutions
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these problems that would help the
students
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such
Linking Words
 as government subsidy, provision for
educational
Add an article
an educational
the educational
show examples
 loan as well as
opening
Add an article
the opening
show examples
 of online courses.
Submitted by carolgtadeo28 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
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