IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Wealthy Countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The basic necessities
such
Linking Words
 as meals and shelter are argued to be the responsibility of wealthier
countries
Use synonyms
 for individuals seeking refuge .I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view as I believe it is the right thing to do and
also
Linking Words
 helping these
refugees
Use synonyms
 could be quite beneficial
socio- economically
Correct your spelling
socio-economically
show examples
 .
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in recent times, there has been an increasing number of war-torn
countries
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
, these affected and displaced
person's
Change the noun form
people
person
show examples
 have
began
Change the verb form
begun
show examples
 seeking refuge in
neighboring
Change the spelling
neighbouring
show examples
 prosperous
countries
Use synonyms
 or in foreign wealthy regions. Wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 are seemingly burdened with the responsibility to offer assistance either financially or help with
relocation
Add an article
the relocation
show examples
 of the affected people. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these prosperous
countries
Use synonyms
 have not always been well-off but they
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 assisted when they faced hard times in the past by other buoyant
nations
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is the ethical course of action because it is often believed that we are our
brothers
Change to a genitive case
brother's
show examples
 keeper.
For instance
Linking Words
, during the financial crisis that hit many
countries
Use synonyms
 in Europe, some wealthy
nations
Use synonyms
 and financial communities stepped in to rescue them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the same can be offered to these
refugees
Use synonyms
after
Add the comma(s)
,after
show examples
 all, some of these rich
countries
Use synonyms
 may indirectly be benefitting from their crisis.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, accepting
refugees
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 a way to boost
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
nations
a nation
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
 socio-economic standards. Meanwhile, some of these refuge seekers are qualified professionals.
Although
Linking Words
, some citizens of these wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 may be
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
 about the reduction in jobs and how it would affect them,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in
reality
Add a comma
,reality
show examples
 it might become healthy competition and motivation to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of their service at work.
Also
Linking Words
, accepting and integrating these
refugees
Use synonyms
 become instrumental
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
nations
Use synonyms
 cultural diversity. To conclude,
refugees
Use synonyms
 need buoyant
countries
Use synonyms
 to step in and offer assistance and solutions to their problems.
This
Linking Words
 action can bring an overall change in
perspective
Correct article usage
the perspective
show examples
 of citizens of wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
,
itmay
Correct your spelling
it may
also
Linking Words
 challenge their thoughts and beliefs.I believe it is the humane thing to do, after
all
Add the comma(s)
,all
show examples
 we are all interconnected and we all need help from time to time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: