IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #topic #people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
Media
 is as powerful as it can make any individual reach on top of the world in a minute, on the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
 if they decide to pull
a
Correct article usage
apply
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somebody from its top level and throw
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
him on
her on
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 the road, it can happen. I will not say
Correct article usage
the
show examples
media
 is honest or wrong but I would like to express my views on
Media
 and how they treat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous people, capture their privacy and try to interfere in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some days back there was an incident I read in the newspaper
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 a group of newspaper Journalists tried to meet our Local leader
Mr
 Rama
Naidu
 in Pottichelli where he was actually going for his personal vacation with his family,
still
Add a comma
still,
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he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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welcomed
journalist
Correct article usage
the journalist
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, arranged a dinner for them, gave them the VIP service and at one point of discussion, these journalists lost their control and they attacked
on
Remove the preposition
apply
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our Leader. As luck was with
Mr
Naidu
, his bodyguards protected and saved him from
this
 attack.
This
 incident was really shameful as
Mr
Naidu
 has successfully driven various developmental projects in our area
as well
as
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and
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 he is the main founder of the Radha Krishna
foundation
Capitalize word
Foundation
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 group which is especially for orphan children and their education.
This
 is a really unfair action of the
media
. In my opinion, our leaders
also
 have their own
life
 and they have a right to live their
life
 as they want. They should be given the same privacy which we look for
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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as a normal person. Another point is
Mr
Naidu
 became a leader through his hard work. He is popular amongst the public
by
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because of
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 his helping nature. We should see his work done for the betterment of society
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 putting
the
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apply
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mud on his shirt. Whatever fame he has earned , does he need to pay the price for that fame by disturbing
into
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apply
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his
life
 ? He did not choose
this
life
 on his own, he did it for us. So why are we disturbing his private
life
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 we have no right to do
this
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 every person though a famous or a normal person has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right to live his personal
life
as
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apply
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the way he wants.
Submitted by NehaC on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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