IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #topic #people #media #privacy #price #fame #invasion #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Media
Use synonyms
 is as powerful as it can make any individual reach on top of the world in a minute, on the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
 if they decide to pull
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
somebody from its top level and throw
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
him on
her on
show examples
 the road, it can happen. I will not say
Correct article usage
the
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 is honest or wrong but I would like to express my views on
Media
Use synonyms
 and how they treat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous people, capture their privacy and try to interfere in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some days back there was an incident I read in the newspaper
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 a group of newspaper Journalists tried to meet our Local leader
Mr
Use synonyms
 Rama
Naidu
Use synonyms
 in Pottichelli where he was actually going for his personal vacation with his family,
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
welcomed
journalist
Correct article usage
the journalist
show examples
, arranged a dinner for them, gave them the VIP service and at one point of discussion, these journalists lost their control and they attacked
on
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
our Leader. As luck was with
Mr
Use synonyms
Naidu
Use synonyms
, his bodyguards protected and saved him from
this
Linking Words
 attack.
This
Linking Words
 incident was really shameful as
Mr
Use synonyms
Naidu
Use synonyms
 has successfully driven various developmental projects in our area
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 he is the main founder of the Radha Krishna
foundation
Capitalize word
Foundation
show examples
 group which is especially for orphan children and their education.
This
Linking Words
 is a really unfair action of the
media
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, our leaders
also
Linking Words
 have their own
life
Use synonyms
 and they have a right to live their
life
Use synonyms
 as they want. They should be given the same privacy which we look for
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as a normal person. Another point is
Mr
Use synonyms
Naidu
Use synonyms
 became a leader through his hard work. He is popular amongst the public
by
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 his helping nature. We should see his work done for the betterment of society
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 putting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mud on his shirt. Whatever fame he has earned , does he need to pay the price for that fame by disturbing
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his
life
Use synonyms
 ? He did not choose
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
 on his own, he did it for us. So why are we disturbing his private
life
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 we have no right to do
this
Linking Words
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 every person though a famous or a normal person has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right to live his personal
life
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the way he wants.
Submitted by NehaC on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: