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Writing Samples
Band 5

The obesity rates among teenagers have increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#obesity #rates #teenagers #countries
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Nowadays,
besides
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 the technology advancement, the world has been changing
drammatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 in term of diet, many
food
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 industries have foreseen the benefit of producing fast
food
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 in order to gain profits by introducing in an attractive way by its dedicated taste as well as generating a feeling of convenience to enjoy during peak hours. And
this
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 has been a domain cause for leading children to be over-weight and a dreadful habit of dining.
Hence
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,
this
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 article is to indicate the possible reasons together with the solution to the complication.
To begin
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 with, since the standard of living has been characterizing gradually
thus
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this
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 quality has altered the custom of
food
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consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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.
With the
Change preposition
The
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 accompany of snacks,sodas and
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
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food
Use synonyms
 restaurants
has
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have
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 contributed a huge impact to the devouring's style.
For example
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, those famous junk
food
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 outlets like KFC, Mcdonald and Burger King have been drawing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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attention to the customer by the method of serving cooking in a swift time and a good appetite. Because of these factors which are the extra-nutrient values,
therefore
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 teenagers are presumed to be obese
in
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at
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 their early ages and
this
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 outcome can
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result
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results
Add the preposition
inresults
fromresults
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in deteriorating the body's image.
On the other hand
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, as the frequent rate of working has affected parent's life
rountine
Correct your spelling
routine
consequently
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 they are not available to prepare a proper a meal for their children and some individuals even encourage the kids to order outside meal which is an unhealthy option and
this
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 action could practice an obsession for them.
Howevere
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However
, in
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general
generall
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,generall
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 there are various methodologies of dealing
such
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 as inspiring juvenile to exercise or play sports.
Furthermore
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, a statement of negatives about convenient junks can be applied on the account of guiding
community
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the community
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 to an awareness. Basically, nourishing children from
an
Change the article
a
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 young age can be the best answer for the complication because the pattern of dining is the originator of directing them to the form of diet. To conclude, the flow of obesity among teenagers have dominated in many developed countries by
viture
Correct your spelling
virtue
 of junk industries and the lack of monitoring in term of
food
Use synonyms
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the explanations are accessible for solving the main issue.
Submitted by thien on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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