IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #works #art #paintings #statues #cities #places
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Arts
 reflect the heritage of a country and depict the creativity of an individual. A number of people opine that the regime should invest more capital in
arts
such
 as sculptures and paintings
so
Correct word choice
apply
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to make the city beautiful.
While
 many believe that financing in
arts
 is a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 of money, I am of the opposite view as I believe that financing in
arts
 is a good idea for the government.
Firstly
, allocating money to the development and sustenance of
arts
 helps boost the economy. Art galleries can attract tourists from all over the world, generating revenue in return. When cities experience a high number of visitors,
consequently
, restaurants, hotels and travel agencies
are
Verb problem
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monetarily
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 from it, which might increase the economic growth of that region. If governments fail to support
arts
 fiscally, many art galleries and Museums
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not be able to survive.
Arts
 is as important as science for the true progress of a nation.
Secondly
, it is true that works of art like colourful paintings on the walls of regular buildings and constructing sculptures and murals not only create a nice charming atmosphere of a city but
also
 is an interesting way to educate the youngsters.
Furthermore
,
Arts
 are important to alleviate crime
from
Change preposition
in
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 society and positively entertain and engage people. Research has proved that appreciating
arts
 helps people relieve stress,
thus
 resulting in a better place to live
in
Change preposition
apply
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. In conclusion, it is clear to me that spending on
arts
 is beneficial both for an individual and society.
Therefore
 funding
arts
 by the government is not squandering money.
Submitted by mayur.gupta44 on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
You have a good overall structure, but make sure to use linking words and transition phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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