Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #works #art #paintings #statues #cities #places

Arts

reflect the heritage of a country and depict the creativity of an individual. A number of people opine that the regime should invest more capital in sculptures and paintings

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

to make the city beautiful.

However

, many believe that financing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

such

crafts is a waste of money. I completely agree with the former view for the following reasons.

Firstly

, allocating money to the development and sustenance of

arts

helps boost the economy. Art galleries can attract tourists from all over the world, generating revenue in return.

This

is because when cities experience a high number of visitors,

consequently

, restaurants, hotels and travel agencies

are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

monetarily

benefited

Wrong verb form

benefit

show examples

from it, which might increase the economic growth of that region. If governments fail to support

arts

fiscally, many art galleries and Museums

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

not be able to survive.

Therefore

, it is as important as science for the true progress of a nation.

Secondly

, it is true that works of art like colourful paintings on the walls of regular buildings and constructing sculptures and murals not only create a nice charming atmosphere of a city but

also

is an interesting way to educate the youngsters.

Furthermore

Arts

are important to alleviate crime

from

Change preposition

show examples

society and positively entertain and engage people.

For instance

, a survey conducted by The British Government found that many pieces of research have proved that appreciating

arts

helps people relieve stress.

Thus

resulting in a better place to live in. In conclusion, it is clear to me that spending on

arts

is beneficial both for an individual and society.

Therefore

funding

arts

by the government is not squandering money.

Submitted by mayur.gupta44 on Sun Mar 21 2021

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, and use linking words and phrases to create cohesive and coherent text.

task response

Provide a clearer introduction that states your position clearly and briefly outlines the main points you will cover in the essay. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion sums up your main points and restates your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a ‘gap year’, before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others,however,believe that boys and girls benefit more attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, people now wear western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that computer games give negative effects for the people. discuss and give your opinion.