IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SONG LYRICS WICH GLORIFY VIOLENCE AND CRIMINAL LIFESTYLES SHOULD BE BANNED. DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF SUCH A BAN.

#people #song #lyrics #wich #violence #lifestyles #ban
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are more and more song
lyrics
Use synonyms
 that talk about stories of criminal lifestyles and their advantages in term of money, authority and respect.
Initially
Linking Words
, started from rock
music
Use synonyms
, it has evolved now into trap or rap
music
Use synonyms
. Because of
this
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that these songs which glorify violence and a negative lifestyle should be banned. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will try to explore any possible advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 topic and
finally
Linking Words
, I would state my own opinion regarding the matter. On the
hand
Correct quantifier usage
other hand
show examples
,
usually
Add a comma
,usually
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 only recognize anger, criminality, vulgarity and rudeness in that type of
music
Use synonyms
 texts. They are sure that piece that incites violence must be banned. In fact, some advocates of
this
Linking Words
 statement acknowledge many disadvantages that “Gangster
music
Use synonyms
” could transmit to our society.
Initially
Linking Words
, it is often referenced to bad themes,
such
Linking Words
 as drug, abuse, racism and murders. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they could teach
people
Use synonyms
 to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 these
lyrics
Use synonyms
, to start trying these bad experiences.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they are worried above all about the range of
people
Use synonyms
 that will continue liking
this
Linking Words
 kind of sound. In fact, according to a European survey,
this
Linking Words
 range is between 11 to 24 years. For these reasons, they would like immediate intervention from governments authorities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 that realize a lot of advantages in
this
Linking Words
 type of
lyrics
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to their counterparts, they explain that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
music
Use synonyms
 could only improve the vision of the true reality of our world and how to understand the negatives behaviour of human beings.
In addition
Linking Words
, the most outstanding feature is that usually, the songwriter would educate his listeners to avoid violence and
this
Linking Words
 life too. To conclude, it is true that these themes are negatives.
However
Linking Words
, I think
that is
Linking Words
 important to read these
lyrics
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 in order to understand that they are things that exist in our communities and is important to ratiocinate about that.
Submitted by lorenzomonacourro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: