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Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. What do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
Nowadays, everybody is busy
in
Verify preposition usage
with
show examples
 their hectic
life
. Even though, they don't have
time
 for their own
health
. A large proportion of masses caught by numerous diseases because they don't have
time
 for
workout
Add an article
a workout
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 or other physical activities.
This
 essay will argue why people
refuses
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refuse
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 to involve in outdoor exercises plus what steps should be taken to vanished
this
 trouble from roots?
To begin
 with, due to the modernization, every working field is full
with
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of
show examples
 competition and every worker wants to win
this
 race from each other because they desire to get higher ranks with good salary.
This
 is the predominant reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 problem.
Additionally
, they have multitudinous tasks
such
 as various presentations, deadlines,
work-sheets
Correct your spelling
worksheets
show examples
 to do in their offices. That's why
,
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apply
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 they spend
their
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apply
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most of
time
Add a pronoun
their time
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 in offices.
For example
, A recent newspaper report shows that people spend many years of their
life
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lives
show examples
 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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instead
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of on
show examples
on
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of
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 other activities of
life
. Physical activities are indispensable to avoid oodle of
health
 diseases.
Firstly
, employers have to provide
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 facility in their offices as well as they have to make
mandatory
Correct pronoun usage
it mandatory
show examples
 for every employee to invest some
time
 there.
Secondly
, everyone is fully
depended
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dependent
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 on different kind of utilities that are the result of the growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology.
Such
 as
,
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apply
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moter
Correct your spelling
motor
 -vehicles, washing machines and many more. Workers
also
 have to avoid some technical gadgets and they should try to do things by themselves.
For instance
, employees should
tried
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try
show examples
 to avoid driving and they should use bicycles or walk to cover small walks. To recapitulate, people have to maintain balance in their outdoor
life
 and working
life
. I think
,
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apply
show examples
 it is imperative that everyone should have to aware
about
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of
show examples
health
 issues which
are create
Change the verb form
are created
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
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 the lack of exercise plus they have to give priority to their
health
, not wealth.
Submitted by nirmaljeetkaur538 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: