IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. What do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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Nowadays, everybody is busy
in
Verify preposition usage
with
show examples
 their hectic
life
Use synonyms
. Even though, they don't have
time
Use synonyms
 for their own
health
Use synonyms
. A large proportion of masses caught by numerous diseases because they don't have
time
Use synonyms
 for
workout
Add an article
a workout
show examples
 or other physical activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue why people
refuses
Change the verb form
refuse
show examples
 to involve in outdoor exercises plus what steps should be taken to vanished
this
Linking Words
 trouble from roots?
To begin
Linking Words
 with, due to the modernization, every working field is full
with
Change preposition
of
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 competition and every worker wants to win
this
Linking Words
 race from each other because they desire to get higher ranks with good salary.
This
Linking Words
 is the predominant reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they have multitudinous tasks
such
Linking Words
 as various presentations, deadlines,
work-sheets
Correct your spelling
worksheets
show examples
 to do in their offices. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they spend
their
Delete the pronoun
apply
show examples
most of
Use synonyms
time
Add a pronoun
their time
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 in offices.
For example
Linking Words
, A recent newspaper report shows that people spend many years of their
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
lives
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 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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instead
Linking Words
Change preposition
of on
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on
Verify preposition usage
of
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 other activities of
life
Use synonyms
. Physical activities are indispensable to avoid oodle of
health
Use synonyms
 diseases.
Firstly
Linking Words
, employers have to provide
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
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 facility in their offices as well as they have to make
mandatory
Correct pronoun usage
it mandatory
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 for every employee to invest some
time
Use synonyms
 there.
Secondly
Linking Words
, everyone is fully
depended
Replace the word
dependent
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 on different kind of utilities that are the result of the growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
moter
Correct your spelling
motor
 -vehicles, washing machines and many more. Workers
also
Linking Words
 have to avoid some technical gadgets and they should try to do things by themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, employees should
tried
Change the verb form
try
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 to avoid driving and they should use bicycles or walk to cover small walks. To recapitulate, people have to maintain balance in their outdoor
life
Use synonyms
 and working
life
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. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is imperative that everyone should have to aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues which
are create
Change the verb form
are created
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the lack of exercise plus they have to give priority to their
health
Use synonyms
, not wealth.
Submitted by nirmaljeetkaur538 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: