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Band 4

Sports stars are paid too much for what they do. Discuss

#sports #stars
Pursuing
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 in
sports
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one of the top priorities among youngsters because of the high pay and celebrity status received from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are people who believe that the remuneration received by
sports
stars
 are too high compared to what they deliver. I completely disagree with that opinion which we will discuss in
this
 essay.
Highest
Correct article usage
The highest
show examples
 performance is expected from a
sports person
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
show examples
 during any competition whether it is local , national or international level. Required productivity would not be possible to deliver on a fine morning, rather required constant efforts for many years. Sleepless nights, personal sacrifices on many things and
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance are highly challenging for them. Considering all the said factors,
a
Remove the article
apply
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high pay is purely justifiable.
Probability
Correct article usage
The probability
show examples
 of getting injured and early
retirement
 would
also
considered
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 as one of the main cause for fixing high pay for
sports
stars
. Unfortunately, we see only the shining
stars
 when they are active in the field. There are many who struggle to meet both ends of
life
 after
retirement
.
This
 should not
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
 since it
damage
Change the verb form
damages
show examples
 the image of the state they represent. In order to motivate the target youngsters to join
sports
, I strongly support the high pay to
sports
 personnel. In short, many people think that
sports
stars
 are paid
for
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
more than what they do. Considering the possibilities of getting injured , early
retirement
 and huge sacrifices on their
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance , I strongly stand with the opinion of high pay. More and more potential youngsters to be inspired with
this
 attractive pay and
thus
 ensure their comfortable
life
 after
retirement
.
Submitted by Hisham Musthafa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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