IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that part time job can be beneficial for better jobs in future. Others think it will distract students from study.

#people #part #time #job #jobs #future #students #study
Nowadays, part-time jobs for
students
 have become the topic of debate. While some people argue that
students
 should solely focus on studying, others claim that doing a
job
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
free time is more beneficial. In my point of view, I personally think that having a
job
, even a part-time one, is good for the student. Having a part-time
job
 can offer young people more experience. Working as a cashier or a tutor can give
students
 insight as to how societies work and function.
This
 is primarily because they interact with their customers and they will learn important life lessons needed for their future careers.
Students
 need to be able to hold conversations, control their emotions, fix problems in the working environment as they advance in their careers.
In addition
, doing a part-time
job
 helps
students
 to be prepared for the future. By saving their incomes, young adults are capable of handling emergencies.
For example
, being able to afford a trip to the hospital or an increase in rent plays a big role in terms of stability in the future.
Finally
, having part-time jobs can build
you
Delete the pronoun
apply
show examples
a network of connections. As you encounter more and more customers, you will be able to build up a secure and broad network. Daily activities
such
 as conversing and interactions will establish good relationships between the
students
 and the customers. When
students
 get into the real working platform, having many contacts can boost their speed in climbing the ladder of success. In conclusion, part-time jobs can help
students
 through their benefits. Personally, I believe that doing a
job
 once in a while when you are free will gain
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 experiences and a budget for spending.
Additionally
, it
also
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 you a comparative advantage over your peers that do not work
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by kimsirimanne on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: