Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

Technology has overtaken all the aspects of our daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, including entertainment and our spare time.

Moreover

, it seems that more youngsters prefer spending their free time in front of the

television

and monitor playing

video

games

Therefore

, many argue that

this

can potentially have a negative outcome on mental health. Even though I agree with

this

statement,

this

essay will discuss both views. First and foremost, in today’s world, stable mental health has become a very important aspect of our lives.

For instance

, many young children think they are sustaining it by doing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

activities that they find calming.

However

, in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

long term, after repetitive images that can be violent and disturbing, surveys have found that many kids tend to suffer from insomnia,

depression

Correct word choice

and depression

show examples

because

television

and

video

games

are offering them an easy life

that is

far from reality.

Also

, anger issues are on the rise.

However

, we should have not limited kids to

videogames

Correct your spelling

video games

show examples

and watching

television

For example

, many social and clinical psychologists have proven that

while

playing

video

games

children tend to develop special organizational, assertive, and leadership skills.

Also

, many kids use those platforms to educate themselves, even though they are in

minority

Correct article usage

the minority

show examples

. All in all, technology has become an integral part of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and

therefore

it is affecting the young ones. As much as

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

are advantages, the disadvantages have overweighed the advantages and there have been numerous findings that support the claim that

video

games

and

television

eventually are not improving mental health, but are worsening it.

Submitted by ajla.hakalo on Mon Mar 29 2021

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task response

Please ensure to address the position clearly in the introduction and provide a clear thesis statement. Additionally, make sure to maintain focus on all parts of the question throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is good overall, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that information is presented in a logical order to aid coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's world many people own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Robots and artificial intelligence one being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Educating young peaple is naturally important, However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?