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Nowadays, children watch a lot of tv and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health
Technology has overtaken all the aspects of our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, including entertainment and our spare time.
Moreover
, it seems that more youngsters prefer spending their free time in front of the
television
 and monitor playing
video
games
.
Therefore
, many argue that
this
 can potentially have a negative outcome on mental health. Even though I agree with
this
 statement,
this
 essay will discuss both views. First and foremost, in today’s world, stable mental health has become a very important aspect of our lives.
For instance
, many young children think they are sustaining it by doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activities that they find calming.
However
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term, after repetitive images that can be violent and disturbing, surveys have found that many kids tend to suffer from insomnia,
depression
Correct word choice
and depression
show examples
 because
television
 and
video
games
 are offering them an easy life
that is
 far from reality.
Also
, anger issues are on the rise.
However
, we should have not limited kids to
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
 and watching
television
.
For example
, many social and clinical psychologists have proven that
while
 playing
video
games
 children tend to develop special organizational, assertive, and leadership skills.
Also
, many kids use those platforms to educate themselves, even though they are in
minority
Correct article usage
the minority
show examples
. All in all, technology has become an integral part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
therefore
 it is affecting the young ones. As much as
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are advantages, the disadvantages have overweighed the advantages and there have been numerous findings that support the claim that
video
games
 and
television
 eventually are not improving mental health, but are worsening it.
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task response
Please ensure to address the position clearly in the introduction and provide a clear thesis statement. Additionally, make sure to maintain focus on all parts of the question throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good overall, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that information is presented in a logical order to aid coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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