IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries an increasing number of people suffering from health problem as aresult of eating fast food too much .itis therefor nessarry for government to imopse higher tax .T o what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #aresult #food #itis #nessarry #government #imopse #tax
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It is argued that the
government
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 should force levy due to the accelerating
number
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 of citizens who suffer from
health
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 issues due
eating
Change preposition
to eating
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 convenient
food
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 excessively. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
Linking Words
 policy.The following essay will discuss
this
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 issue and I will present some examples. There are several reasons why I totally agree
With imposing
Change preposition
Imposing
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 higher taxation by the
government
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 on convenient
food
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Linking Words
This
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is because
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forcing these taxes
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could deter a myriad
number
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 of citizens from consuming it. To give a prime example, according to the Arab Times newspaper,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
after higher taxation on fast
food
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 in Saudi Arabia, the
number
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 of consumers who eat fast
food
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 has decreased by 20%
Moreover
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, after reducing the
number
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 of
people
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 who eat fast
food
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, the suffering from
health
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 issues will deteriorate It is the
government
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 that formulate the general policy in most countries,
therefore
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, it has a massive responsibility towards
health
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 care of the citizens.
However
Linking Words
, authorities should raise awareness of
people
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 towards
this
Linking Words
 deleterious issue
Linking Words
This
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because the economic aspect is not sufficient enough to curb
people
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 from the excessive consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
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. To give a prime example, when the
government
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 organize some awareness programs to motivate them to start eating
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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food
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such
Linking Words
 as
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
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food
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,
this
Linking Words
 will benefit
people
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 and help improve their
health
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. If the
government
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 makes efforts
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case, it will have enormous positive consequences on
people
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’s lives. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I agree that imposing higher taxation on fast
food
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 could be a viable option to improve
people
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’s lives, the
government
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 should take more steps to elevate
people
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’s
health
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 and prevent them from deterioration.
Submitted by Ayman Almansour  on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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