IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries an increasing number of people suffering from health problem as aresult of eating fast food too much .itis therefor nessarry for government to imopse higher tax .T o what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #aresult #food #itis #nessarry #government #imopse #tax
It is argued that the
government
 should force levy due to the accelerating
number
 of citizens who suffer from
health
 issues due
eating
Change preposition
to eating
show examples
 convenient
food
 excessively. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 policy.The following essay will discuss
this
 issue and I will present some examples. There are several reasons why I totally agree
With imposing
Change preposition
Imposing
show examples
 higher taxation by the
government
 on convenient
food
This
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is because
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forcing these taxes
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could deter a myriad
number
 of citizens from consuming it. To give a prime example, according to the Arab Times newspaper,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
after higher taxation on fast
food
 in Saudi Arabia, the
number
 of consumers who eat fast
food
 has decreased by 20%
Moreover
, after reducing the
number
 of
people
 who eat fast
food
, the suffering from
health
 issues will deteriorate It is the
government
 that formulate the general policy in most countries,
therefore
, it has a massive responsibility towards
health
 care of the citizens.
However
, authorities should raise awareness of
people
 towards
this
 deleterious issue
This
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because the economic aspect is not sufficient enough to curb
people
 from the excessive consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
. To give a prime example, when the
government
 organize some awareness programs to motivate them to start eating
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
such
 as
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
,
this
 will benefit
people
 and help improve their
health
. If the
government
 makes efforts
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
this
 case, it will have enormous positive consequences on
people
’s lives. In conclusion,
although
 I agree that imposing higher taxation on fast
food
 could be a viable option to improve
people
’s lives, the
government
 should take more steps to elevate
people
’s
health
 and prevent them from deterioration.
Submitted by Ayman Almansour  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: