in some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can learn. opportunities.
Nowadays,
although
some people
are earning uncountable money
from their businesses, plenty of individuals criticize the situation due to
its harm in
countries, others advocate that a few Change preposition
to
people
should continue earning good money
in their jobs. This
essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the letter.
On the one hand, quite a small of employees do compelling work
in their job area. Furthermore
, As a result
, those individuals deserve impressive cash in the job by taking risks and significant roles. income is a fundamental method for workers in order to proceed logically in their careers. Was the government lessened their salary, they would not be motivated to work
in the office. For instance
, in 2018 Spain government amended their rules about salaries
in jobs. it was observed that a myriad of people
dismissed their work
. Moreover
, not only does earning huge money
contribute to people
's focus on their work
, and
it Correct word choice
but
also
promotes human life quality. In this
way
criminal issues would have a downward trend around the country.
Add a comma
way,
On the other hand
, the finance
system of the country might be exposed by some individuals earning a lot of Replace the word
financial
money
. Besides
, Governments could reduce their other contribution to the environment in order to provide a fund for employees deserving to earn good salaries
. For example
, Republic
of Turkey was able to present its financial Correct article usage
the Republic
circumstance
by benefitting from the method. Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
Thus
, state
Correct article usage
the state
tend
to reduce significant Change the verb form
tends
people
's salaries
so as to provide locals with beneficial opportunities.
In my opinion, economic
ministry in countries should lessen the amount of Correct article usage
the economic
salaries
for specific persons in order to navigate the economic source of the country to other parts of things.
In conclusion, developing salaries
has extreme disadvantages for citizens because of its burden on the economy. However
, this
essay advocates that countries should amend their procedures on salaries
to provide locals with goodSubmitted by samedsaysg on
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Task Response
Try to develop your ideas more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help support your main points and make your argument stronger.
Grammar
Be cautious with grammar and punctuation errors as they can occasionally disrupt the flow of your essay. Paying attention to these details will improve the clarity of your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on linking your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. This can be achieved by using a variety of linking words and phrases, ensuring a better flow throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
You successfully provided a clear stance and argument throughout your essay, maintaining focus on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a strong framework for your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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