Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views about whether all wild
animals
should be well preserved or just a few.
Although
good protection for wildlife could reduce the impact of human activities, I do believe that a healthy environment should not be bothered by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
and we can only save a few extinct
animals
for the natural balance.
To begin
with, it is believed that all wild
animals
should be protected because their living environment
had
Verb problem
is
show examples
damaged by human activity. Many kinds of wild
animals
have found it difficult to find suitable habitats to live in or to search for the food they need. It is undeniable that the decreasing population of some wild
animals
are caused by human activity as more and more forests and water
had
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have
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been polluted and destroyed.
Therefore
, some people think that humanity should be compensated for all wild
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
by protecting them.
On the other hand
, I do believe that only a few
animals
should be preserved when
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
potential
Change the word
potentially
show examples
impact the environment. Some sort of wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
could be a sign of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental damage,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
could be a potential threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
if they are extinct. Take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
example of the polar bear, many conservationists try to protect them, not only to save the
reducing
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reduced
show examples
number of them but
also
the
Correct word choice
because the
show examples
melting ice of their habitat has caused the increase of sea level. We are all part of the ecosystem on earth, the wildlife nature should be well balanced
from
Change preposition
for
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all creatures.
By protecting
Change preposition
Protecting
show examples
some rare
animals
can prevent damage to the ecosystem . In conclusion,
although
many people think that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
should protect all wild
animals
because we
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
occupied most of the places from them. From the environmental perspective, I do believe that only
Correct article usage
a fewer
show examples
fewer
Replace the word
few
show examples
wild
animals
should be protected.
Submitted by Christy's Kitchen on

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Task Achievement
Enhance the logical development of ideas by providing a clearer and more focused argument. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas to establish stronger coherence and cohesion throughout the essay. Use linking words and transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
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