The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

#crime #rate #offenders #parents #skills

It is argued by some that better education at home by parents is the only way to fight the growing crime rate of juvenile offenders.

This

essay completely disagrees with that statement. In my opinion, better education for mutual respect at

schools

and limitation of the negative impact of social media

are

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far more important in order to solve the

above mentioned

Add a hyphen

above-mentioned

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issue.

Firslty

Correct your spelling

Firstly

First

schools

should invest much more

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teaching

children

the importance of mutual respect and caring for your community, rather than just teaching math or biology. Young adults spend most of their time at school and

therefore

it is vital that education programs will

also

include aspects

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tolerance towards others.

For example

schools

can have

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apply

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obligatory community service for every student once a week.

This

way young adults can obtain different perspectives on society and on the significance of helping others.

Secondly

, social media must take more

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

and limit the amount of violence embedded in its content. Social platforms

such

as YouTube and

Facbook

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Facebook

regulalry

Correct your spelling

regularly

display offending and violent videos that could inspire other young adults to act

violentely

Correct your spelling

violently

themselves.

For instance

, a video of

children

abusing and hurting a cat can spread quickly to a large number of viewers, some of

them

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the

show examples

children

who might want to repeat the same horrific act themselves. In conclusion, some may argue that parents are the only ones that are responsible for reducing the crime rate of young offenders, via better parenting skills. I believe that

schools

and social media

has

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have

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greater

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a greater

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influence on the behaviour of young

children

and

thus

should take

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

as well in order to fight that serious subject.

Submitted by nimrod.dar on Thu Apr 01 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world?