IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, the advent of modern architecture helps corporations construct huge complexes with various parts in order to meet a large number of people’s expectations,
such
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 as spending free time and meeting others,
besides
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 shopping.
However
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, in the past, social members visited shopping centres when they required something. I would argue that it can be a positive trend for various reasons. First, shopping malls provide citizens with a wide variety of sections, gyms,
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 sections, and cinemas,
for example
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. A considerable number of people have easy and instant access to the widespread use of entertainment in a shopping mall
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 opposed to merely a park.
Nonetheless
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, in recent decades, citizens went to a shopping centre that had
just
Rephrase
apply
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many stores,
which
Correct word choice
where
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 social members could purchase their daily needs.
For instance
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, an Iranian
family’
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family’s
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 child can be kept
by
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at
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 the kindergarten situated in Hyper Star and parents can go
shop
Replace the word
shopping
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.
Moreover
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, shopping malls have restaurants, coffee shops and even halls for conferences, which are the best places
so as
Change preposition
apply
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to meet friends or colleagues, but in recent years, most people have met each other
at
Change preposition
on
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 street or
offices
Change preposition
in offices
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, and shopping centres were just used for buying daily
requirements
Check wording
necessities
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. In Iran, after attending a scientific conference in Korosh complex’ modern hall, audiences are able to delight in eating food in a fancy restaurant located there. In conclusion, I would argue that in the past, social members
utilized
Use the right word
utilised
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 shopping malls when they needed the basic
necessity
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necessities
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 of their
life
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lives
show examples
.
However
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, these days, these centres are used to allocate free time and meet each other,
besides
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 shopping.
According to
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 maintained reasons, not only is
not
Correct word order
this change not
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this
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 change adverse but
also
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 it has positive effects on
citizen’s
Check wording
citizens’
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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structure
Make a clear view at the start and keep it through the essay.
language
Use short, simple sentences and common words.
coherence
Link ideas with easy glue words like 'first', 'also', 'for example' to help flow.
content
Give more real and simple examples that fit the point you make.
idea
The writer shows a clear view that malls can be a good place to be.
content
The essay uses real places to back up the point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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