For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

#time #art #part #cultures #world #people’s #values #science #technology #business #arts #attention

this

modern

society

, many

people

believe subjects

such

as science, technology and business are more crucial than

art

, which used to be an important part of all cultures globally. In

this

essay, I will discuss some reason for

this

trend and suggest possible solutions to encourage more

people

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

to participate in

art

People

are living in

this

materialized world with so many new cutting

edge

Change to a plural noun

edges

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

technologies been developed. it is commonly believed that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

students should focus and put their effort into subjects which may enhance their abilities to obtain an ideal job with well paid.

For instance

, students who had completed their professional study in

technology related

Add a hyphen

technology-related

show examples

subject would increase their chances to work for

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

internationl

Correct your spelling

international

companies

such

as Google,

facebook

Change the capitalization

Facebook

show examples

, very well known to be a great employer who

proivded

Correct your spelling

provided

wide

Correct article usage

a wide

show examples

range of fringe benefits.

As a result

, the majority of

people

tend to go for

subject

Add an article

a subject

the subject

show examples

which may help them to make more money. In order to promote

art

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

, local

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

government

should invest more and grant fundings to support

art

industries as well as artists who create

art works

Correct your spelling

artworks

show examples

Art

is an important aspect, it is a form of visual communication to express ideas and communicate concepts. Citizens can learn from

art

and inspired by it. The

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

may support the

art

subsidized

Change the form of the verb

subsidizing

show examples

the cost of operating

art

galleries and

meseum

Correct your spelling

museum

museums

so that the

society

can have more access to artwork without having to pay for it.

Additionaly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

Additional

art related

Add a hyphen

art-related

show examples

educational program should be sponsored by the government to encourage more students and artists to create

art works

Correct your spelling

artworks

show examples

. To conclude, it is clear to see the business and technologies have

revolusonized

Correct your spelling

revolutionized

this

morden

Correct your spelling

modern

world.

However

Art

is the key element to promote the country’s

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

heritage as

welll

Correct your spelling

well

people

creativity

Replace the word

creative

show examples

thinking and communication concept.

Therefore

, the government should play a role to preserve it.

Submitted by rachel_mw1214 on Sun Apr 04 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

317 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
evolve
technological advancements
overshadowing
financial pressures
practical careers
digital entertainment
accessible
integrated
curricula
fostering
emotional intelligence
public art projects
engage
interactive

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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