Some individuals feel that working from home, while of benefit to employees, is actually a drawback for employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Since the technology for communicating remotely has been developed recently, it made workers
to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to be should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

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be able to
work
at their home.
This
is beneficial for employees especially for people who felt going to
job
Correct article usage
a job

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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place is a burden to them.
However
, from the perspective of employers,
to
Change the verb form
working

To work doesn’t seem to work here.

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work
remotely have some problems;
therefore
, in my view, I tend to agree
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the premise.
Firstly
, the employers will be difficult to check whether the staffs are doing their
job
properly. When the workers
work
at
office
Add an article
the office
an office

The noun phrase office seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, the bosses can see what they are doing because they see each other face to face.
On the other hand
, if individuals
work
from home, usually they do not show themself even though they are using technology that can so that the boss cannot realize when they are making mistake or even doing other things.  
Secondly
, the managers will find
Correct pronoun usage
it difficulties

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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difficulties
Replace the word
difficult

The word difficulties doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to maintain the productivity of the staffs. For
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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normal
work
, the bosses communicate with the workers to build a close relationship and make a comfortable atmosphere that develops the individuals’ productivity.
However
, for the situation of remotely working, the break time that employees can chat with their manager will
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened

It appears that the form of the verb lessen does not work with be in this sentence.

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;
therefore
, the communication between them and efficiency of the
job
will
also
decrease. In conclusion, I tend to agree with the premise because the employers cannot see what the staffs are doing during the
job
and make a better relationship with the
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers

The spelling of laborers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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