IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world

The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world
The three pie charts depict the data about the three sectors of coffee around the globe. It is evident that Europe is a major nation that contributes to using coffee, South Africa
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 manufacturing it, and
profit
Use synonyms
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 are higher through the delivery service.
To begin
Linking Words
 with consumption, Europe is a major with 41%,
While
Linking Words
 America is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
second
Linking Words
 with nearly somewhat less than half. Japan comprises 12 per cent
whereas
Linking Words
 ,in minor usage,
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the world uses only 8 per cent.
While
Linking Words
 considering manufacturing, South Africa is on top, making coffee in a proportion to 44.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the other three countries are almost similar
ratio
Fix the agreement mistake
ratios
show examples
: Indonesia (22%), Japan (18%) and Vietnam (16%). The
last
Linking Words
 pie chart of
profit
Use synonyms
 distribution indicates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different sectors of distribution in which, delivery service gain more than a half, retails slightly a quarter and Exporters
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fifteen per cent.
Lastly
Linking Words
, with less
profit
Use synonyms
, producers only have a tenth of
Use synonyms
profit
Correct article usage
the profit
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words profit with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: