when a country develops it technology,the traditonal skills and ways of life die out. it is pointless to try and keep them alive.

#country #technology #skills #life

Technology

is crucially needed in our

life

,yet some people think that it has negatively affected our ways of

life

and took us to lose our traditional skills. I agree with

this

opinion to some extent. Obviously, automation has changed our

life

dramatically,

however

Add the comma(s)

,however

show examples

it has caused some ways in our activities to disappear,

for example

, many individuals

use

automatic cars nowadays without doing any exertion in driving.

also

, many craftsmen,service sophisticated machines in their jobs, as carpenters did not

use

to cut wood manually,

instead

use

the cutter machines. another point is that most people around the globe utilize social media applications and websites like Facebook, Twitter, What's up and many other apps to contact each other

instead

of having face-to-face conversations.

this

helps to increase the feeling of loneliness especially amongst youth,

thus

it kills many old

life

events.but,

Change the capitalization

show examples

am utterly convinced that our losses may not be compared to our benefits.

On the other hand

, the technological revolution has enhanced our

life

quality ,

for instance

, almost all corporations around the globe

use

computers and machines to lead productivity process and not

person

Replace the word

personal

show examples

efforts.so now most factories and companies are in no need of many employees.

technology

has improved our ways of communication as well, we

use

the internet to keep in touch with others on a daily basis,

consequently

Add a comma

,consequently

show examples

this

process saves time and effort, so I can totally say that we can't live without

technology

in our

life

, like computers, mobile phones, and most importantly the internet service.

Hence

,we see that

technology

is the main pillar for all of us especially in the 21st century,indeed we have lost our old

life

good habits,but we still have some of it ,

furthermore

Add a comma

,furthermore

show examples

with

technology

,everything became easy and fast.

Submitted by hany947b on Fri Apr 09 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

290 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Technological advancement
Efficiency
Global connectivity
Cultural identity
Diversity
Innovation
Coexist
Sustainable
Eco-friendly
Energy-intensive
Practical skills
Self-sufficiency
Homogenize
Preservation
Global diversity

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when a country develops it technology,the traditonal skills and ways of life die out. it is pointless to try and keep them alive.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that at all levels of education, from primary school to university, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree? Read my sample answer here. Reported on IELTS October 5th

Describe a challenging situation or an obstacle you encountered during your studies and elaborate on the steps you took to navigate through it.

Doctors in many countries say that people do not do enough physical exercises. What are the causes of this trend? How can the situation be improved?

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that studying at a college is the best route to a successful career, while others think that it is better to get a job right after school. Discuss both view and give your opinion.