IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibilities of teachers, while other thinks this is role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#discipline #schools #people #responsibilities #teachers #role #parents
There can be little room
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doubt that
discipline
 offspring is one of the pressing tasks nowadays. While some citizens hold the notion that instructors should take
responsibility
 towards
discipline
children
, others deem that
this
 mission should be taken by the
parents
. I completely agree with
Add an article
the later
a later
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
point
 of view Both sides of the argument will be discussed in the following essay and I will present my
point
 of view. On the one hand, fathers and mothers should control their dependents
this
 is due to the fact they know their dependents better than instructors. To explain
this
point
 more, because the
parents
 have full awareness of their
children
, they have
comprehensive
Add an article
a comprehensive
show examples
 understanding of their upbringing
Therefore
, the
parents
 understand the reasons behind
misbehavior
Change the spelling
misbehaviour
show examples
 or atrocious actions.Another pivotal
point
 is the custodians in any household are ultimately responsible for the raising of their juniors Iff the
parents
 do not take
responsibility
 towards their own
children
,
this
 can dilute the rules of the
parents
 towards their
children
.
On the other hand
,
On the other hand
, those who claim that instructors should
discipline
children
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
 compelling reasons
First
,
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
it-is
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 the
responsibility
 of the
teachers
 to maintain
discipline
 in the classroom
Second
, because the
teachers
 are qualified in different
discipline
 techniques, they are able to direct students to be well-behaved Nott only the
teachers
 teach students, but
also
 they can learn them the correct conduct at school
For
Add the comma(s)
,For
show examples
 example,if
teachers
 do not
discipline
 a naughty child,other
children
 will suffer from disruption. In conclusion,despite the
significance
Replace the word
significant
show examples
 importance of
teachers
 in controlling
children
 and imparting information,I wholeheartedly believe that the
parents
 should take
responsibility
 towards their
children
.
Submitted by Ayman Almansour  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: