IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Despite a variety of sports facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#variety #sports #facilities #gyms #people
Nowadays, there are many individuals who are still diagnosed with a certain disease that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 caused by
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 lifestyle. It is not too late to find
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 to
this
 problem and
this
 essay will discuss
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 you some of my suggestions Poor eating habits
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the need to engage in
sports
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 because food advertisement
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more common in social media than
sports casts
Correct your spelling
sportscasts
show examples
 and
campaigns
.
This
 causes citizens to be
acttracted
Correct your spelling
attracted
 in food products than physical exercise.
Therefore
, despite advancements in gym facilities and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, many individuals are still gaining weight and are prone to have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
increased cholesterol and fat levels in their bodily system. A solution I suggest that more sectors be involved in advertising
sports
 and fitness
campaigns
.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 more companies
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
provide support by searching for new ideas to make these
campaigns
 effective. Through
this
, the media supporting physical activities will be more attractive and will call the attention of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
,
this
 may help to gain more readers and citizens to grasp the concept of the need to really push themselves to be more fit. In conclusion, there are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of ways to implement healthy living through exercise and
this
 can be gained merely by
delgating
Correct your spelling
delegating
this
 task to other agencies. In a way,
this
 new group can provide new ideas on how to
implelement
Correct your spelling
implement
sports
campaigns
.
Submitted by salve.abola on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: