IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, young people do not take care of their elderly relatives. Instead, they appoint trained professionals who take care of the elderly. Is it a positive or a negative tend according to you?

#countries #people #care #relatives #professionals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no iota of doubt that some people does look after their elder
parents
Use synonyms
. There are numerous people busy in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 business and they hire some professional
care
Use synonyms
 workers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, sometimes
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
emerge
Change the verb form
emerges
show examples
 due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
some. The following paragraph would cast on the
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
 and cons of
care
Use synonyms
 workers.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the bright sight, some person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
 schedule in their working field and some travelled with
relate
Change the verb form
relating
show examples
 to their work. When they go to their work, they cannot come back at home when their parent needs to their in
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
 situation.
In addition
Linking Words
,
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of youngster doing job
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad for higher salary package and good carrier for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. So that's
Add an article
the way
show examples
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 they hired trained person. On the flip side of
coin
Add an article
the coin
show examples
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some nasty consequence we all grew up with family in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 surrounding. Our
parents
Use synonyms
 stand with us when we were stuck in
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 situation. They always helped us when we need to
their
Correct the word
theirs
show examples
. They
also
Linking Words
 forget that their
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. Older people feel very lonely and they are in depression when they are very sad.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 the stage when they need
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their but children do not help their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, they hired
care
Use synonyms
 occupation for their
parents
Use synonyms
. All in all, I would like to say that every person should take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
 and those
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 busy in their business they should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 one day in
week
Add an article
the week
a week
show examples
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Kamaljot Singh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: