IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore certain jobs which are not suitable for women What is you opinion?

#people #men #women #job #jobs
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People have different opinions about
gender
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 equality. Some insist that there are
men
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 centric jobs that are not for
women
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.
Conversely
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, there are people who
advocates
Change the verb form
advocate
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 for equality in
workforce
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the workforce
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. I will accord with the latter. In the upcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I will put forth my views in detail.
To begin
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 with, physical strength is no longer relevant in the present job market. Traditionally
men
Use synonyms
's strength is the driving force for some of the industries but with the advancements in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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,technology
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 there are tools that replaced
the
Correct article usage
apply
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muscle power.
For instance
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, in the olden days, the construction industry mainly employed
men
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, as they have to light heavy metals and mix the concrete but now tools like cranes & mixers
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 the job easy.
Therefore
Linking Words
women
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 can participate in any industry that they have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in without any constraints.
Additionally
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,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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 most of the jobs
requires
Change the verb form
require
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 skills that
requires
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require
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 technical prowess. Cognitive skills are
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gender neutral
Add a hyphen
gender-neutral
show examples
 and to excel in a profession, it needs interest and passion for the work.
Women
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 and
men
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 both possess
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
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 skills and can finish the tasks.
For example
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, almost 50% of the software employees in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
silicon valley are
women
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, companies like google are encouraging more
women
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 to join their company. Thereby, in today's day and age discriminating a
gender
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 based on the work is illogical.
Hence
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, to conclude, I would like to iterate my opinion that both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sexes are equal and
women
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 should not be denied
opportunties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 based on their
gender
Use synonyms
Submitted by kasanitej on

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