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Band 5

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sugar #health #people #government #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #individuals #amount
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Sugar
Use synonyms
 has been considered to be
a
Remove the article
apply
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harm
for
Change preposition
to
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human
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the human
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 body. In terms of making solutions for
sugar
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 intake,
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government
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the government
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 is expected to take action on society’s
sugar
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consumption
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is believed that
people
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 should have their own responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 limiting the amount of
sugar
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 they consume. In my opinion, both ideas are rational but I strongly reckon with the fact that
government
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 takes a greater impact on the
consumption
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 of
sugar
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. Nowadays, the appearance of
sugar
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 is rife
among
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in
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 our society and the food seems to be addictive to many
people
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.
Although
Linking Words
sugar
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 is well-known for its harmful character,
however
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, there is still a tremendous amount of
people
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struggle
Correct pronoun usage
who struggle
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 with limiting
sugar
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 in their diet, and the major reason is lack of knowledge about
sugar
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.
Sugar
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 can be in many forms other than granulated, it
also
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 appears in honey, maple syrup, canned food or frozen goods. There are many
people
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 who avoid granulated
sugar
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 but still consume other forms of
sugar
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unconciously
Correct your spelling
unconsciously
 which makes them find it hard to limit the
sugar
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 intake. Because
people
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’s actions towards
sugar
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consumption
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not efficient due to the reason above,
thus
Linking Words
government
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 participation is crucial. In terms of
Use synonyms
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
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 responsibility towards
sugar
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consumption
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, raising
sugar
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 awareness for residents is a delicate solution.
For instance
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, adolescent in Canada
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 now prepared with knowledge in relation to
sugar
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 at school.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada’s food guide,
for example
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, has been making potential impacts on
people
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’s diet as well as
sugar
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consumption
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 among the society.
As a result
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, since 2000, the obesity rate in the country has decreased two-fold comparing to the
last
Linking Words
 few decades. In conclusion,
people
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’s responsibility to limit
sugar
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consumption
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 cannot be efficient without
government
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 involvement.
Submitted by hongmanhne on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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