In some areas of world people love to live in traditional lifestyle while in other regions they have a modern living standard.Why it happens?Discuss both views for supporting of your topic.

In some
part
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parts
show examples
of the
world
Add a comma
world,
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people
love to live in
traditional
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a traditional
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lifestyple
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lifestyle
,
on the other hand
,
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
refions
Correct your spelling
regions
they have a modern
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
.
This
change
happen
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happens
show examples
when
people
from one
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
accept modern life or they leave their land to go work or
studies
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study
show examples
in other countries. I will discuss both the views in upcoming paragraph to support my view.
Firstly
, in some
part
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parts
show examples
of every country
people
tend to stay out modern
lifestyle
and keep themselves connected with their roots. It happens in
villege
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village
area
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areas
show examples
in big amount.
People
who
born
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were born
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in
rular
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rural
areas believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern culture is not for them and tend to stay with their roots and live the way their elders
spended
Correct your spelling
spend
their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
For instance
, In India
large
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a large
the large
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number of
people
in
background
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the background
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area believe that
land
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the land
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is their mother and their
traditionals
Correct your spelling
traditions
traditional
are their father and they cannot leave their parents and accept something new.
Secondly
,
pople
Correct your spelling
people
nowadays going to adopt modern culture and
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
their traditional
lifestyle
behind by following the rat race of accepting
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
culture. It can commonly be seen in big
citties
Correct your spelling
cities
of approximately every country.
People
in these areas
things
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
that it is important for them to grow and explore new things and they want something new from what their parents have seen and been through. In search of more than they
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
they leave their tradition behind.
In addition
to
this
people
who go abroad for higher studies in to find
work
Add a comma
work,
show examples
they
also
end up joining the modern
lifestyle
.
To conclude
, I would like to say
their
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there
show examples
is nothing wrong with living in either of
lifestyle
, but if someone is accepting something new that does not mean they have to leave what they. We should always
remeber
Correct your spelling
remember
our roots.
Submitted by vsingh39 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need improvement. The main points are generally supported but could be presented in a more organized manner.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but lacks a clear and comprehensive development of ideas. The response contains relevant examples, but they could be presented more effectively to support the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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