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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #governments #citizens
It is argued by some that individuals themselves hold the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to eat right and maintain a healthy
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life-style
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lifestyle
show examples
, due to the fact that they are the only ones who can control their
diet
. In my opinion,
governments
 are responsible for the
health
 of their residents and have to do so in order to save lives. On the one hand,
people
 should take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
health
 and
diet
 because they are the only ones capable of doing so.
In other words
, there is no organization or
instutution
Correct your spelling
institution
 that can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
force a change in regard to the eating habits of a certain individual.
People
 eat on average three times a day and it is an extremely difficult task to follow each piece of food that every individual
digests
Change to a singular noun
digest
show examples
.
For example
, I frequently eat ice cream in my house when I am alone and currently there is no technological device or method that can know
this
 action took place.
On the other hand
,
governments
 can lower the incidence of obesity and cardiovascular diseases by making sure their citizens eat
propely
Correct your spelling
properly
. Obesity has turned in to a significant issue nowadays, causing a growing number of
people
dying
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to die
show examples
 and suffering from Diabetes as a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
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 of an
unballanced
Correct your spelling
unbalanced
diet
.
Governments
 are the ones responsible for the
health
 of their residents and can save a great number of lives just by controlling the types of food that
people
 in their countries consume.
For instance
, in North Korea, where the government has banned
fast-food
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fast food
show examples
, there is a
substantial
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substantially
show examples
 lower number of obesity and a lower rate of heart conditions. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
governments
 should
interefere
Correct your spelling
interfere
 with their
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
diet
, because of the major impact
this
 action
migth
Correct your spelling
might
 have on the general
health
 of its population.
Submitted by nimrod.dar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
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