IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays, more and more
people
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 prefer to
work
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 long
hours
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 and reduce the
time
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 spending on
leisure
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activities
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. I think it happens because
in
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,in
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 some unprofessional companies, the employer uses some benefits to encourage their employee to
work
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 long
hours
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 or overtime, and told them to spend
time
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 on
leisure
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activities
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 were wasting money and
time
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, which I think is incorrect. In my opinion, spend
time
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 on
leisure
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activities
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 are necessary and
people
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 can get more benefits from it rather than
work
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 long
hours
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. There were few advantages on spend
time
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 on
leisure
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activies
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Firstly
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, it helps you relax after
work
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, which is good for your mental health. According to scientific research,
people
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 get
mental
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the mental
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 illness from
work
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 overtime in a long term, and it can lead to some real damage to the body if the job was working in a high-risk environment. One of my classmates' father was a truck driver, and sadly his father died in a car accident after driving 30
hours
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 on the highway.
Secondly
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, spending
time
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 on
leisure
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activities
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 will help
people
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 keep a good relationship with the family. Obviously, more
time
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 spent on
work
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 means less
time
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 left for the family, and that will lead to some serious family conflicts. My parents used to
work
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 long
hours
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 when I was young.
Although
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, I understand they need to raise the family, but imagine how disappointed I was
,
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apply
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 when I heard they do not have enough
time
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 to play with me, because of the
work
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? Overall, I think
people
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 need to realize the importance of spending
time
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 on
leisure
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activities
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, which will help
people
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 balance
work
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 and life.
Submitted by zhaohong1997111 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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