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Writing Samples
Band 5

After finishing school, some students go traveling or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do you think the advantages of gap years outweigh the disadvantages?

#school #students #work #period #time #university #gap #years
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Some students choose to find a job or travel during some period between finishing school and entering
university
. In my opinion, having a break can bring more problems to teenagers compared to any benefits. Admittedly, there are some
basics
Change the noun form
basic
show examples
 advantages for young people who decide to take a gap year.
First,
they might use
this
time
 to
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
 their wants in life.
This
 will give them an opportunity to opt for a
university
 and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major there without any pressure.
Second,
youngsters can become more mature during
this
 period of
time
.
For instance
, usually, teenagers, who start working, renting accommodation, and paying bills, take all responsibilities for their life to themselves.
Furthermore
, many of them may change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 way of thinking and improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 relationships with their parents.
Nevertheless
, despite the positive aspects above, I believe that students could face serious drawbacks from having a gap year. One possible problem is that they might lose knowledge received at school.
In other words
, in order to pass exams before entering a
university
, teenagers have to reveal knowings in different subjects and get an acceptable score.
However
, it is well known that people’s minds forget unnecessary information, and some amount of
time
 ought to be spent to refresh them. Another obvious issue is that they can use
this
time
 to build a successful career in the future.
For example
, in many companies, the priority will be given to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger applicants
instead
 of older ones. In conclusion, entering a
university
 straight after graduating from school far
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 any minor advantages which might appear from having a gap year.
Submitted by alina.rud88 on

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task response
Develop your ideas more clearly and provide more relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas and make sure there is a clear introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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