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Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, socio, and Commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Students
experiencing
Verb problem
are experiencing
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 burdens from their education,
surrounding
Correct article usage
the surrounding
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 community, and commercial perspectives.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explicate the main causes
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schools and
parents
Check wording
parents'
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behaviours
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
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 toward their children
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with some appropriate solutions. To commence with, the predominant cause is competition in educational institutes. To elaborate, scholars are
pressurized
Verb problem
pressured
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 by their families to get more marks or
any
Correct determiner usage
a
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 leading position in the final results. Students,
therefore
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, have to study hard around the clock in schools and tuition classes to score top rank than
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their classmates.
Thus
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, they have only
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
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 time to play outside or engage themselves in any other activities.
For instance
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, A survey conducted by
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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 (
world health
Fix capitalization
World Health
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organization
Change the spelling
Organisation
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) found that out of 10 students, 8 are under
stress
Use synonyms
 because of low marks as compared to other friends. To mitigate it, mentors have to consider the interests of their young ones without forcing them to
do
Verb problem
apply
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study all the time. They should encourage the child to take part in any other
extra curriculum
Use the right word
extracurricular
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 and
Use synonyms
stress buster
Use the right word
stress-buster
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 activities like sports, singing, painting, and dancing. Stepping to another cause is the behaviour of parents towards their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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.
In other words
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,
guider
Correct article usage
the guider
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 wants their youngsters to do the same thing that society accepts. They
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
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 to dress up
according to
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 tradition, follow the rules of culture, and confine their wishes
according to
Linking Words
 the elders.
For example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 some regions of India, children
got
Verb problem
are under
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
 from elders not to have relationships with someone from another culture
and
Correct word choice
or
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 caste. To tackle
this
Linking Words
, the adolescent should be treated like his/her best friend. They should be taught to be good humans no
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
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 what society wants.
To sum up
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, no doubt
scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars
show examples
taking
Verb problem
are taking
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 the
stress
Use synonyms
 of competitive studies, parents, and society
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 appropriate steps could help a youngster to grow mentally and physically well.

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structure
Add a clearer plan before you write. A short intro with the three parts (causes, effects, how to fix) and a short end that sums up.
language
Use simple grammar and short sentences. Check verb tense and make sure the subject agrees with the verb.
language
Be careful with facts. If you repeat a number or study, make it true or say it as a general idea (many studies show).
content
Give more real examples and connect each example to the point you make.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and to connect ideas (first, then, also, but). This helps the essay flow.
content
You have a clear topic and you outline the plan at the start.
language
You use examples to show a point.
structure
The ideas are put in a rough order and they follow one after another.
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