art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Some people believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
art
and
music
is the key factor In all communities. In
this
modern era,
technology
is blooming each and every sector. Irrefutably
art
and dance are still
alived
Correct your spelling
alive
lived
in nowadays. In my opinion about
this
children should spend learn
art
and
music
at their primary level education. Because
art
and
music
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
exposed
our
Change preposition
to our
show examples
traditions, values.
To begin
with, people are addicted to
technology
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. Even though, we could respect our old culture as well as tradition
such
as
art
and
music
. Many city side government is conducted to the
art
exhibitions still now.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
we can save and protect our orthodox values.
For example
, the
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
country has different kinds of traditional dance and
music
it depends on each state heritage. After
invention
Add an article
the invention
show examples
of
technology
these traditional culture
Change the determiner
this traditional culture
these traditional cultures
show examples
was destroyed slow -by -slow. Even though we are still protected
our
Change preposition
by our
show examples
traditions.
Moreover
,
most
Add an article
the most
show examples
public
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western culture but western people are would like to learn our traditions.
However
, children should learn these kinds of skills at
school
Change the noun form
schools
show examples
such
as
art
and
music
. Because if they will be successful artist, they should practice since childhood period.
For instance
, most famous celebrities were learning these skills since their young age. To conclude,
art
and
music
is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pride for every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
. No one will destroy even
technology
. Parents must allow to their children learn
art
and
music
and
also
encourage
too
Correct pronoun usage
them too
show examples
. The education department
also
will change
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
syllabus.
This
means they will give extra attention to
art
and
music
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • cognitive benefits
  • emotional expression
  • mental well-being
  • mindfulness
  • human connection
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • discipline
  • collaboration
  • economic contributions
  • academic performance
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