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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many students around the world don’t choose science subjects at university. Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community?

In current society, students globally avoid choosing scientific-related subjects. In the following essay, I will share some of the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend and explain how it impacts the community. Universities around the globe have experienced how dramatically pupils have dropped from science subjects. The reasons behind that it is thought to be related to the difficulty of the subject and the high cost of the programs in
this
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 career. To illustrate
further
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, a close friend of the family started his studies in chemistry
last
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 year. Unfortunately,
due to
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 the overwhelming complexity of the subject, He was sleeping an average of 4 hours a day, which sometimes was not enough to pass some of his exams and deliver his assignments on time. Another aspect that he used to be concerned about was the high cost of the specializations
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 were about 30000 dollars yearly.
Although
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 it is clear and perhaps reasonable that many young learners
opt-out
Correct your spelling
opt out
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from
Change preposition
of
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 their
mayors
Correct your spelling
major
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 in science, the consequences of
this
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finally
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 lie
on
Change preposition
in
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 society and in general in the corresponding nation. A country with a shortage of professionals and a specialized workforce in
this
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 field will indicate an affectation
in
Change preposition
on
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 the production and invention of products and technologies that create dependency in other countries.
Also
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, the economy of that specific sector and others that
co-dependent
Add a missing verb
are co-dependent
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for
Change preposition
on
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 their production are harmed.
For example
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, South America experienced a critical fall in their GDP during the
last
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 decade
due to
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 the reduction in productivity in highly developed technologies since they
lack
Wrong verb form
lacked
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 the human resource that could produce them.
To conclude
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, reasons for students getting into other subjects of study different from science are based mainly on the high degree of difficulty and the high tuition fees that learners have to pay to continue in that area of specialization.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 phenomenon harms the community by affecting the economy of a nation.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical structure of your arguments. Try linking your points more seamlessly to create a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
In some parts of your essay, transition words could be better utilized to enhance the logical progression between points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are thoroughly supported by not only examples but also explanations that connect back to your thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive answer to the task, addressing both reasons why students avoid science subjects and the impact on the community.
task achievement
Specific examples are provided, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and sufficiently encapsulate the main points of your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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