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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion.

Individuals are ambivalent about teaching
music
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,
computer
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 and
science
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. There are
mix
Replace the word
mixed
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 feelings about these subjects nowadays, Institutions have been changing their way of teaching through all the years and it includes the content that would be offered.
Music
Use synonyms
 is a
subjetc
Correct your spelling
subject
 that has its importance in the life of those who used to appreciate it. To exemplify, there is a
plathora
Correct your spelling
plethora
 of
famous
Add an article
a famous
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 musician who supports themselves in
music
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 to achieve their
goal
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goals
show examples
 at school, like Mozart and
Bethoven
Correct your spelling
Beethoven
. As a consequence, these artists is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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prove
Replace the word
proof
show examples
 that
music
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 can bring a remarkable and
astonoshing
Correct your spelling
astonishing
 future for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 decides to learn its content.
Besides
Linking Words
, researches show that
music
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help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 people to be more concentrated and focused in their activities and,
also
Linking Words
, helps people to calm down when it is necessary.
Computer
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 and
science
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 are subjects already
presents
Change the verb form
present
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our daily basis. For
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is of pivotal importance that schools
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 content to offer because our world is biased to be more and more
connect
Change the form of the verb
connected
show examples
. As a consequence, those people who mastering
computer
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
 would be one step ahead of those who do not relish
this
Linking Words
 kind of studies.
In addition
Linking Words
, juvenals used to get into technology
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
faster than
never
Correct your spelling
ever
show examples
 and,
as a result
Linking Words
, they would be more interested to go to school due to the fact that they are really into
computer
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I consider that both contents are of pivotal importance for the studies of children and adolescents and needs to be part of their daily basis. As much information they get, much more they would be aware of their job and activities in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 forthcoming future.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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