Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion.

#people #music #schools #focus #computer #science

Individuals are ambivalent about teaching

music

computer

and

science

. There are

mix

Replace the word

mixed

show examples

feelings about these subjects nowadays, Institutions have been changing their way of teaching through all the years and it includes the content that would be offered.

Music

is a

subjetc

Correct your spelling

subject

that has its importance in the life of those who used to appreciate it. To exemplify, there is a

plathora

Correct your spelling

plethora

famous

Add an article

a famous

show examples

musician who supports themselves in

music

to achieve their

goal

Change the noun form

goals

show examples

at school, like Mozart and

Bethoven

Correct your spelling

Beethoven

. As a consequence, these artists is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

prove

Replace the word

proof

show examples

that

music

can bring a remarkable and

astonoshing

Correct your spelling

astonishing

future for

who

Correct pronoun usage

those who

show examples

decides to learn its content.

Besides

, researches show that

music

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

people to be more concentrated and focused in their activities and,

also

, helps people to calm down when it is necessary.

Computer

and

science

are subjects already

presents

Change the verb form

present

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

our daily basis. For

this

reason, it is of pivotal importance that schools

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

content to offer because our world is biased to be more and more

connect

Change the form of the verb

connected

show examples

. As a consequence, those people who mastering

computer

and

science

would be one step ahead of those who do not relish

this

kind of studies.

In addition

, juvenals used to get into technology

Change preposition

apply

show examples

faster than

never

Correct your spelling

ever

show examples

and,

as a result

, they would be more interested to go to school due to the fact that they are really into

computer

and

science

. In conclusion, I consider that both contents are of pivotal importance for the studies of children and adolescents and needs to be part of their daily basis. As much information they get, much more they would be aware of their job and activities in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

forthcoming future.

Submitted by psjmario on Thu Apr 29 2021

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Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion.

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impacts of aging population

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

Some people think there is no need for professional photographers as everybody knows how to click pictures. What is your opinion? Include any relevant personal experience and knowledge

in many countries around the world ,rural people are moving to cities,so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or a negative development?