Children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Childhood obesity
become
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becomes
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a typical sign of deteriorating public health. It is said that the government should have the
responsibillitity
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responsibility
. In my opinion, the authority is not only singled out,
parents
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and schools
also
Linking Words
take
responsible
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responsibility
show examples
for it.
Firsly
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Firstly
First
, the
goverment’s
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government's
responsibility is to ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
life
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. They must detect a threat and disseminate information about the risk. But
beside
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besides
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the encouragement of regular exercise and healthy diets,
i
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I
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can
harly
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hardly
see any new point in their boring campaign. They seem to ignore
this
Linking Words
potential epidemic. As the result, according to WTO, there are about 41 million
children
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under 5 years old and 340 million
children
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aged 5-19 years old
came
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who came
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down with
this
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disease.
Secondly
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, they build a giant curriculum for
children
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from
young
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a young
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age in which focus on
mathmetics
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mathematics
, science and literature, lacks hours of extracurricular activities. So that students don’t have any concept or skill to take care of themselves or self-esteem whether
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
is good nor not.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
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also
Linking Words
hold themselves accountable.
Instead
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of teaching them the
important
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importance
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of
healthy
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a healthy
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meal, they buy junk
food
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and processed
food
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which is much faster. But they don’t know that these things contain massive sugar that not good by no means to eat it.
In addition
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, the vices of
parent
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a parent
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like spending too much time on
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a smart
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smart phone
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smartphone
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or stay inactive
life
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affect their son. Because of the imitation, it is not difficult for their child to follow their habit.
Hence
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, If the
parents
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change their mind,
i
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I
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swear that childhood obesity is no longer
to
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apply
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exist . they can take up by
engage
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engaging
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in sports, limit sugar intake, hit the gym, eat a balanced diet.....and especially, show your
children
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how delicious the healthy
food
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is, educate them the value of active
life
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. In
conclution
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conclusion
, the
life
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of our
children
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fully depends on the
goverment
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government
, schools and
parents
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. Change for the better and our younger generation will develop in the most comprehensive way.
Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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