IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#unemployment #challenge #school-leavers #countries #challenges #face #people
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Presently,when a student gets graduation from
eduactional
Correct your spelling
educational
 centres
then
Linking Words
 he gets
Add the particle
to worry
show examples
worry
Change the verb form
worried
show examples
 about his future because as we see numerous educated masses are unemployed after getting degrees or diplomas.I agree that getting no
jobs
Use synonyms
 these days is a
thinkful
Correct your spelling
thankful
 obstacle for nations and
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 price of surviving ,struggling till getting a good job are some big destinations that juveniles are facing in the present time.
Firstly
Linking Words
,it is clear that after completing studies there is
probability
Add an article
the probability
a probability
show examples
 to reach the goals which we set up in our past life.
For example
Linking Words
,many individuals make a dream to become a doctor after graduation but few
number
Change to a plural noun
numbers
show examples
 of public get
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 to make it real
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 in our system we have limited seats.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,I believe India is at the top list for unemployment due to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 corruption and there are uncountable people which are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high positions after feeding the money to their
sysytem
Correct your spelling
system
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,the period between after graduation till
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
employment that time needs financial support for the youngster's and being
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent they have to take
this
Linking Words
 burden on their own shoulders.To illustrate,my friend in India had graduated
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 science diploma and he had
not
Add the particle
tonot
show examples
 get his job till one year though he faced
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of problems in that period like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
food and shelter. In conclusion,it is undeniable that needed people are not getting
jobs
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 era because we all are in a
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 race and some nations are corrupted.I personally believe that
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
show examples
imply
Change the verb form
implies
show examples
 some rules and regulations the provide
jobs
Use synonyms
 to poor and
need
Replace the word
needy
show examples
 ones rather than giving
jobs
Use synonyms
 to billionaires.
Submitted by aishapreet10 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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