IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries. How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#unemployment #challenge #school-leavers #countries #challenges #face #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, when a student gets graduation from educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
then
 he gets worried about his future because as we see numerous educated masses are unemployed after getting degrees or diplomas. I agree that getting no
jobs
 these days is a thankful obstacle for nations and the high price of surviving, struggling till getting a good job are some big destinations that juveniles are facing in the present time.
Firstly
, after completing studies there is the probability to reach the goals which we set up in our past life.
For example
, many individuals make a dream to become a doctor after graduation, but few numbers of public get successful to make it real because in our system we have limited seats.
Furthermore
, I believe India is at the top list for unemployment due to its corruption and there are uncountable people who are in high positions after feeding the money to their system.
Secondly
, the period between
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduation till getting employment that time needs financial support for the youngster's and being independent, they must take
this
 burden on their own shoulders. To illustrate, my friend in India had graduated with a computer science diploma and he had to not get his job till one year though he faced several problems in that period like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 food and shelter. In conclusion, it is undeniable that needed people are not getting
jobs
 in
this
 era because we all are in a competitive race and some nations are corrupted. I personally believe that the regime implies some rules and regulations the provide
jobs
 to poor and needy ones rather than giving
jobs
 to billionaires.
Submitted by aishapreet10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: