IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

#health #services #necessity #person #companies #individuals #care
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In the modern era, there are some private
firms
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 that provide
people
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 with expensive
health
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services
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. Needless to say,
people
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 should be able to access
health
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services
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 whenever they want and it’s a must for them in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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. Despite several demerits, launching private
health
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care
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 companies can have some benefits for certain
people
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. To commence with the advantages, these private organizations can help
people
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 economize their time; usually, visits and appointments with
health
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 specialists will occur quickly in these
centers
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centres
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 issue let
people
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 save their time.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of
firms
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 provide patients with better facilities and those
people
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 who want
economize
Fix the infinitive
to economize
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 their time and use better equipment during their treatment can utilize private
health
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services
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, because of expensive
services
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 in these companies, insurance
firms
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 may face some financial problems for supporting
people
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 especially poor
people
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.
On the other hand
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, there are ample drawbacks. I reckon that
health
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care
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 workers may attract those private organizations more than the public
health
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care
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 because of earning more money.
Health
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 experts, nurses, medical doctors, etcetera, on account of increase
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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income may leave
none-private
Correct your spelling
non-private
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health
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 organizations and
this
Linking Words
 issue can lead
difficulties
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to difficulties
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 for deprived
people
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 because private
health
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 service is expensive for them to afford it. Eventually, the government should consider
a
Remove the article
apply
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stability to employing
health
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care
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 workers in private and none-private
health
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and provides equal
health
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services
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 to all levels of society. I believe that private
health
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care
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firms
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 can have some benefits if the government keeps them under control.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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