In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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modern society,
young
Add an article
the young
a young

The noun phrase young generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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generation is considered
as
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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one of the primary issues in human’s life. In connection to
this
, some
people
hold the view that in some nations, young persons have less free
time
and more pressure on their learning. In my written essay, I will clearly discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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the reason
of
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for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the given statement as well as suggest some measures to mitigate
this
problem.
In addition
, some detailed
information
and
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence

It appears that evidences is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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also
are given.
First
and foremost, we should recognise that there
are
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is

The plural form of be are does not seem to agree with the singular subject a wide range. Consider changing the verb form.

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a wide range of causes why young
people
spend most of their
time
studying hard and have less free
time
for themselves. Actually, the
first
point is all about the strong competition among them. To be more specific, there are many
talent
Replace the word
talented

The word talent doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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students in the university;
therefore
, if a student
want
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wants

The plural verb want does not appear to agree with the singular subject a student. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to be better than the others and have the highest scores, he or she must try their best effort in studying and sacrifice the leisure
time
.
In addition
, another point to consider is about the wide knowledge of young
people
due to the readiness of
information
. It is evident that
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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most of
information
Add an article
the information

The phrase most of information may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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we need
are
Change the verb form
is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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easily found via
internet
Correct article usage
the internet

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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or other channels. To master
in
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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one specific subject, based on the
information
found, young persons must spend a lot of
time
examining it, digging it.
Therefore
, various mentionable data are very apparent on the given topic.
On the other hand
, some efficient solutions can be brought into discussion in order to surmount
this
issue. The
first
one to consider is about the mindset change. To accurately explain, young
people
should understand that high scores are not all that student have to gain.
Besides
good study result, they
also
have to have other kinds of outdoor activities which are done
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their free
time
. The
second
point is knowledge can be obtained during leisure
time
. The case is true that some
value
Replace the word
valuable

The word value doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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ideas come when our mind
is relax
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is relaxed

It appears that the form of the verb relax does not work with is in this sentence.

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in
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on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a holiday;
in contrast
, being too stress sometimes make our brain blocked.
Therefore
, spending more free
time
for themselves can help students to enrich their knowledge.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion

The word Inconclusion doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, there is no doubt that young
people
must study hard in order to have a good foundation for their future, but they
also
should consider
to have
Change the verb form
having

The verb have is usually in the gerund form when following the word consider. Consider replacing it with the -ing form.

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some free
time
for themselves.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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