IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies #reason
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In
the
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modern society,
young
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the young
a young
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 generation is considered
as
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one of the primary issues in human’s life. In connection to
this
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, some
people
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 hold the view that in some nations, young persons have less free
time
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 and more pressure on their learning. In my written essay, I will clearly discuss
about
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the reason
of
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for
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 the given statement as well as suggest some measures to mitigate
this
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 problem.
In addition
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, some detailed
information
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 and
evidences
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evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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also
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 are given.
First
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 and foremost, we should recognise that there
are
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is
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 a wide range of causes why young
people
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 spend most of their
time
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 studying hard and have less free
time
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 for themselves. Actually, the
first
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 point is all about the strong competition among them. To be more specific, there are many
talent
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talented
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 students in the university;
therefore
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, if a student
want
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wants
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 to be better than the others and have the highest scores, he or she must try their best effort in studying and sacrifice the leisure
time
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.
In addition
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, another point to consider is about the wide knowledge of young
people
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 due to the readiness of
information
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. It is evident that
,
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 most of
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information
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the information
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 we need
are
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is
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 easily found via
internet
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the internet
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 or other channels. To master
in
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apply
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one specific subject, based on the
information
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 found, young persons must spend a lot of
time
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 examining it, digging it.
Therefore
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, various mentionable data are very apparent on the given topic.
On the other hand
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, some efficient solutions can be brought into discussion in order to surmount
this
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 issue. The
first
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 one to consider is about the mindset change. To accurately explain, young
people
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 should understand that high scores are not all that student have to gain.
Besides
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 good study result, they
also
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 have to have other kinds of outdoor activities which are done
on
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in
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 their free
time
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. The
second
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 point is knowledge can be obtained during leisure
time
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. The case is true that some
value
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valuable
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 ideas come when our mind
is relax
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is relaxed
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in
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on
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 a holiday;
in contrast
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, being too stress sometimes make our brain blocked.
Therefore
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, spending more free
time
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 for themselves can help students to enrich their knowledge.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
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, there is no doubt that young
people
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 must study hard in order to have a good foundation for their future, but they
also
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 should consider
to have
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having
show examples
 some free
time
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 for themselves.
Submitted by lamnq77 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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