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Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in over-weight people in the society? How can this problem be solved?

#people #risk #health #reason #growth #over-weight #society
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These days, we have been looking at those who are at severe health problems because of obesity.obesity causes mainly because of two reasons
such
Linking Words
 as eating more junk
food
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 and sitting in the same place for several hours.which we can resolve by following a proper diet and regular exercise. Earlier days,
people
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 used to eat more home
food
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 either because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
food
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 industry was not grown up as now or they were not interested in it.
However
Linking Words
, Nowadays, it has increased with technology so rapidly,
,
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apply
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eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
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 consumers have been increased. due to chemicals or oils which they use while preparing
food
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 making the
people
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 fat, which put their health at risk.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 are spending to sit and work in their companies for a long time.For
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, a software employee should work at least 9 hours a day by sitting on the chair
as a result
Linking Words
 most of them are falling sick.
therefore
Linking Words
, these are two main reasons to get obese. on
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
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 side, In ,society many
people
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 are following a proper diet and doing daily exercise to improve their immunity level and reduce overweight.
for example
Linking Words
, as per the article published by times
now
Add a comma
,now
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 India said "it is increased to 58
percentage
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percent
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 when compared with previous ten years" those who are being cautious about health and
Governaments
Correct your spelling
Governments
also
Linking Words
 taking
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
 to do res. In conclusion, eating more fast
food
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 and sitting more time on the chair are two impacts of obesity and we could solve
this
Linking Words
 by eating
food
Use synonyms
 at regular times and doing yoga,going to the gym etc.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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