IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

#people #governments #support #care
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Money
Use synonyms
 is the most important factor
in
Change preposition
apply
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nowadays for all kinds of age person whether young,old.
However
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, a fair
amount
Use synonyms
 of people think that the ministry should help who senior citizen by capital-based while others believe that the
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 people should
looking
Change the verb form
look
be looking
show examples
 after by themselves. Viewing from a general perspective, the essay discusses both viewpoints, I personally agree with the former opinion for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with,
irreutably
Correct your spelling
irrefutably
 the senior citizens had contributed
for
Change preposition
to
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 the country improvements in many ways when they are young. They were being paid taxes to the government
such
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 as income tax, service tax, and property duty when they are working.
Therefore
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, now the government should return help to the
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 people how financially
such
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 free medical care and every month provide some
amount
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, in Singapore cabinet is being given every month pension
money
Use synonyms
 who their nation retired man
as a result
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 their
olderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
older
 guy is lived
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 and happy life.
Although
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, the above sixty age person should take care of their needs and wants of themselves
this
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 means they should be
independantly
Correct your spelling
independently
 without any holding stick
such
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 as they must save some capital for their future days when they are getting sixty. For instances,
many
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in many
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 western countries companies strictly should take some
amount
Use synonyms
 of their workers salary when they are young
as a result
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 their state folks are being lived
independenly
Correct your spelling
independently
 without any support even the family aid
also
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 when they get sixty. To conclude, the ruling party has the primary responsibility to do what cash aid who their
oldery
Correct your spelling
older
elderly
 human
nevertheless
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 these kinds of human should save cash when they are earners
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a result
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 they can use their own
money
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 for their own expenses.
However
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, In my opinion about
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 the ruling party should focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their pension person in order to they can live
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
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 and happier life without any stress by
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, the administration should give every month pension
amount
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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