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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, senior positions have higher salaries compared to those of young workers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. Do you agree or disagree

#countries #positions #salaries #workers #company #people #isn’t
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Nowadays, the employees are often salaried according to their position. There are some people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 that all
staff
 could be paid equally. I totally disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
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 view as position and work experience need to be taken into account
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while fixing the salary package.
Firstly
, senior positions come with a lot of responsibilities and workload. Their performance greatly responsible for the success or failure of the firm so they required to work hard to ensure the smooth functioning of the office.
For example
, Ellon Musk,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the CEO
Tesla
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of Tesla
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, he works around 18 hours a day
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and sacrifices his personal life for the benefits of the
company
. By considering, all these,
staff
Change the determiner
staffs
show examples
 who held in the top-level deserve a better wage package than lower-class workers.
Secondly
, if the senior
staff
 may not be paid with good remuneration, certainly, they rarely dedicate themselves
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
company
's growth. The
senoir
Correct your spelling
senior
staff
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have a rich working experience and skills, utilize their ability to empower the
company
. When everyone pays equally, they may feel that they are insignificant in the
company
.
This
 may damage work morale, eventually, workers may not contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the employer benefits. Since the junior
staff
 have less experience and skill, they hardly drive the
company
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the right direction.
Therefore
, as seniors contribution is immense, they should be highly salaried. In conclusion, differences in the pay scale often create argument among people.
However
, in my opinion, salary
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be provided based on the position of the employee as each job titles come with
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
the increasing
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 amount of workload.
Submitted by Sal on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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