IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children.

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are very popular among all people, in specifics
children
Use synonyms
, but
parents
Use synonyms
 argue that has little educational value and it will be harmful to
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, there are a few bad aspects of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 that I think
parents
Use synonyms
 should care about. On the one hand, the
computer
Use synonyms
 game is a hobby for
children
Use synonyms
 and there is no need for a hobby to be educational.
Children
Use synonyms
 need some time to spend on entertaining themselves.
Computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are one of the most entertaining hobbies today,
therefore
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 should not be too restrictive on playing of their
children
Use synonyms
, Beside that there are plenty of educational
games
Use synonyms
 that tries to teach
children
Use synonyms
 lessons
such
Linking Words
 as math, a foreign language or social etiquette.
Parents
Use synonyms
 can encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to play these type of
games
Use synonyms
 more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 have to be concern about
children
Use synonyms
’s addiction to
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 get addicted to
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 easily.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should control how much
children
Use synonyms
 play video
games
Use synonyms
 and what
games
Use synonyms
 they play. Many popular
games
Use synonyms
 are action
games
Use synonyms
 in which the characters need to fight or kill others,
this
Linking Words
 can harm them and may cause mental issues in
children
Use synonyms
. Fortunately, game companies specify the age limitation on their products, and
parents
Use synonyms
 must control them. In Conclusion, It is not necessary that a hobby,
such
Linking Words
 as
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, be educational, but there are some things,
such
Linking Words
 as gaming, that
parents
Use synonyms
 need to be concern about.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: