IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of crime rates are increasing dramatically in many regions these days. I strongly believe that one of the factors is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 violence caused by the
internet
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will be exploring my statements and the solutions.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the spread of social media
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram caused the main problems. Most of the problems are due to the children misunderstanding social media.
For example
Linking Words
, they are often troubled by chatting on social networks and conflict of communication will connect to real violence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, identification of personal information is a heavy crime that not only the specific person gets damaged but people around them
also
Linking Words
 involved in it.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of video streams
such
Linking Words
 as Youtube and Tiktok are big factors. The reason is that many videos are illegally uploaded and obtain profits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people do not understand how to use social networks. In order to solve those issues, I think that the government and school should handle the problems. For the government, they need to make the law that criminals who are involved in
internet
Use synonyms
 violence must be given heavy punishment.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 they can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
posters that prevent crime.
However
Linking Words
, the way of education is much more effective. School should teach the scary of the
internet
Use synonyms
 which gives extra classes.
In addition
Linking Words
, teaching by educational TV program is one way to prevent law-breaking.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government or education facilities should provide solutions. In conclusion, I personally think that gaining the number of people who use the
internet
Use synonyms
 leads to many issues. If it is possible to solve these factors, the number of criminals will decrease.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: